Quirky Job Hunters Pillows

"This job involves travel? Let me call my parole officer and OK it with him."

"My biggest weakness? I'm a perfectionist."

'And I see you've listed opposable thumbs as your greatest asset...'

'We're looking for someone to liven up our Monday morning job meetings. Can you handle it Chuckles?'

'Says here you can tear phonebooks in half? Well, security could use a man like you in our shredding department!'

'Incidentally, our health insurance has limited eye coverage.'

"Well, you certainly seem to have a lot to offer this company, and, of course, the truffles are a hell of a plus."

"Actually, the job calls for someone who is convex."

'I let my merit badges do the talking.'

"What sets you apart from other candidates?"

'Smith, where exactly did you get your experience in 'Hedge Fund Management'?'

Urine Catcher

"And the hiring committee was very impressed with your no nonsense attitude during the interview."

'My resume,...in rap form!'

"I work well independently. I usually correct all the problems I create."

Dexter Flynn, Taxidermy Attorney.

True, I've seen plenty of padded resumes, but very few bejeweled resumes.

"An MBA, a PhD, AND good at catching mice? Wow!"

'Man, I gotta find a new gig!'

'I can assure you Mr. Rumplestilkskin, weaving straw into gold is a skill we can certainly use...'

ROBOT EMPLOYMENT AGENCY, 'We don't have much on hand right now --how'd you like to be a Pez dispenser?'

"Get another job? I can't! My breed can only be faithful to one master in a lifetime!"

Man in the stocks on his typewriter.

'I think I've finally found my own niche.'

PERSONNEL, 'This is terribly embarrassing -- I've been married so many times, I've forgotten my maiden name.'

"Mum, can I work in a morgue"

"I called you back for a second interview to show you the origami I make with your résumé."

Baggage Claim: Anyone Who Knows How To Hot-Wire A Car.

'Looks like the sexton position is still vacant.'

"Any other strengths?"

'Special skills? Well, I've been told I make a mean martini!'

'I'd prefer to work from home. I'm under house arrest.'

What sort of job are you after?

Curse of the mutant gene.

Let's see... Graduated from Notre Dame... Majored in bell ringing... Minored in stair climbing... Busted your hump for 3 years at the Frank & Stein facility conducting a brain research - Looks like you accidentally crossed out the 'R-E'. Heh.