Quirky Job Applicant Gifts

"Any other strengths?"

'I let my merit badges do the talking.'

True, I've seen plenty of padded resumes, but very few bejeweled resumes.

'Smith, where exactly did you get your experience in 'Hedge Fund Management'?'

'And I see you've listed opposable thumbs as your greatest asset...'

'We're looking for someone to liven up our Monday morning job meetings. Can you handle it Chuckles?'

"You list as an honor, a suspended sentence, and your parole as an award?"

I think you'll appreciate my resume. It's printed on a fridge magnet.

'Says here you can tear phonebooks in half? Well, security could use a man like you in our shredding department!'

"Well, you certainly seem to have a lot to offer this company, and, of course, the truffles are a hell of a plus."

"Actually, the job calls for someone who is convex."

"What sets you apart from other candidates?"

"Get me a young fella-me-lad with a jib I like the cut of."

'We like to find just the right slot for our people.'

Urine Catcher

"Any other skills?"

'My resume,...in rap form!'

"A Ph.D. in particle physics, experience in aerospace and rocketry...of course I can juggle."

"And the hiring committee was very impressed with your no nonsense attitude during the interview."

"I work well independently. I usually correct all the problems I create."

"An MBA, a PhD, AND good at catching mice? Wow!"

'Man, I gotta find a new gig!'

'Bancroft, it's time to pay the salesmen their bonuses. Would you please stop at the butchers' shop and get a few pounds of raw meat?'

Dexter Flynn, Taxidermy Attorney.

'I can assure you Mr. Rumplestilkskin, weaving straw into gold is a skill we can certainly use...'

"That's great that you're on 8 different social media sites, but how are you at bank reconciliations, accounts payable, and working?"

'...No it's Malcom from ***** after someone with autocad experience in elecro-mechanical design.'

ROBOT EMPLOYMENT AGENCY, 'We don't have much on hand right now --how'd you like to be a Pez dispenser?'

'I think I've finally found my own niche.'

Man in the stocks on his typewriter.

'I see Charlie's moonlighting again.'

Lateral Recruits

"I called you back for a second interview to show you the origami I make with your résumé."

'Looks like the sexton position is still vacant.'

'I'm not sure that mentioning your diploma in 'Monkey Business' really helps your resume...'