Quirky Job Interviewee Gifts

'...Boom-boom-bam, BOOM-boom, boomity-bim-bam, BOOM, bam-bam, BAM, boom-boom....'

Armstrong? Why did UPS just deliver a microscope, a robotic arm, a huge incubator, a nucleus extractor and a dozen lab rats? Well, it's certainly not so I can replace you with an army of clones programmed to work for free. Well

'And I see you've listed opposable thumbs as your greatest asset...'

I think you'll appreciate my resume. It's printed on a fridge magnet.

'We're looking for someone to liven up our Monday morning job meetings. Can you handle it Chuckles?'

'Says here you can tear phonebooks in half? Well, security could use a man like you in our shredding department!'

"Well, you certainly seem to have a lot to offer this company, and, of course, the truffles are a hell of a plus."

"Actually, the job calls for someone who is convex."

'I let my merit badges do the talking.'

"According to your resume, you've done nothing of any real significance since inventing the wheel."

'Smith, where exactly did you get your experience in 'Hedge Fund Management'?'

"What sets you apart from other candidates?"

Urine Catcher

'My resume,...in rap form!'

"And the hiring committee was very impressed with your no nonsense attitude during the interview."

'Yes,I do have a question.. What kind of dental plan do you have?'

"I work well independently. I usually correct all the problems I create."

"An MBA, a PhD, AND good at catching mice? Wow!"

'Bancroft, it's time to pay the salesmen their bonuses. Would you please stop at the butchers' shop and get a few pounds of raw meat?'

'Man, I gotta find a new gig!'

True, I've seen plenty of padded resumes, but very few bejeweled resumes.

'I can assure you Mr. Rumplestilkskin, weaving straw into gold is a skill we can certainly use...'

"This position may call for some occasional plumbing."

Man in the stocks on his typewriter.

'...No it's Malcom from ***** after someone with autocad experience in elecro-mechanical design.'

"Eating the mistakes is a tough job, but somebody has to do it."

'I see Charlie's moonlighting again.'

'I think I've finally found my own niche.'

'It's saving us a fortune on retirement costs.'

"They say every team has a member who is suffering from mental health issues. Not this team eh?!"

Latrinologist

"Mum, can I work in a morgue"

Lateral Recruits

'Looks like the sexton position is still vacant.'

"Woodpecker gets an office job."