Quirky Job Hunter Gifts

I'm looking for a job that starts late afternoon.

A sign you're not applying at a fortune 500 company...

"What sets you apart from other candidates?"

'And I see you've listed opposable thumbs as your greatest asset...'

'We're looking for someone to liven up our Monday morning job meetings. Can you handle it Chuckles?'

"We were looking for somebody with experience in mumbo-jumbo but your resume is mainly about gobbledegook."

'Says here you can tear phonebooks in half? Well, security could use a man like you in our shredding department!'

"Well, you certainly seem to have a lot to offer this company, and, of course, the truffles are a hell of a plus."

"Actually, the job calls for someone who is convex."

'I let my merit badges do the talking.'

'Smith, where exactly did you get your experience in 'Hedge Fund Management'?'

Urine Catcher

'...we are looking for someone with great interpersonal communication skills.'

"We do price loyalty, but we were also rather hoping for a candidate who could read right and walk on two legs."

"And the hiring committee was very impressed with your no nonsense attitude during the interview."

'My resume,...in rap form!'

"I work well independently. I usually correct all the problems I create."

True, I've seen plenty of padded resumes, but very few bejeweled resumes.

Dexter Flynn, Taxidermy Attorney.

'Man, I gotta find a new gig!'

'Ambitious? You sit there admitting you're a troublemaker!'

'So far, so good -- I got a second interview!'

"An MBA, a PhD, AND good at catching mice? Wow!"

'Do you have any other references besides your mom and Santa Claus?'

'I can assure you Mr. Rumplestilkskin, weaving straw into gold is a skill we can certainly use...'

"You cleaned out your desk so efficiently you've been rehired and placed in charge of Housekeeping."

'I think I've finally found my own niche.'

Man in the stocks on his typewriter.

'I see Charlie's moonlighting again.'

ROBOT EMPLOYMENT AGENCY, 'We don't have much on hand right now --how'd you like to be a Pez dispenser?'

'...No it's Malcom from ***** after someone with autocad experience in elecro-mechanical design.'

"Naps. Do you have anything in naps?"

'Looks like the sexton position is still vacant.'

"Mum, can I work in a morgue"

'I love your 'never-say-never' attitude, but we never hired you.'