Quirky Career Hunter Gifts

The world's most unemployable family

"We were looking for somebody with experience in mumbo-jumbo but your resume is mainly about gobbledegook."

'Says here you can tear phonebooks in half? Well, security could use a man like you in our shredding department!'

"Well, you certainly seem to have a lot to offer this company, and, of course, the truffles are a hell of a plus."

"Actually, the job calls for someone who is convex."

Blend Schools

"What sets you apart from other candidates?"

Urine Catcher

'...we are looking for someone with great interpersonal communication skills.'

"A Ph.D. in particle physics, experience in aerospace and rocketry...of course I can juggle."

'My resume,...in rap form!'

"We do price loyalty, but we were also rather hoping for a candidate who could read right and walk on two legs."

"I've been an accountant, an actuary, an advertising exec, an administrator, an architect, an art director, and an auditor, and now I'd like to move on to the B's."

"And the hiring committee was very impressed with your no nonsense attitude during the interview."

"Any other skills?"

"By the way, I'm giving notice I start at Hooters on Monday."

"Well, what a coincidence, Jeff's in vermin control too!"

"I work well independently. I usually correct all the problems I create."

'So far, so good -- I got a second interview!'

Dexter Flynn, Taxidermy Attorney.

"An MBA, a PhD, AND good at catching mice? Wow!"

'Man, I gotta find a new gig!'

Bovine Proctology Graduation

"Your experience is impressive and your qualifications excellent but I'm afraid you're let down by not being the same as everyone else."

'Do you have any other references besides your mom and Santa Claus?'

'I can assure you Mr. Rumplestilkskin, weaving straw into gold is a skill we can certainly use...'

Man in the stocks on his typewriter.

"...I'm available for interview, at your convenience!"

'And what do you do for a living Gary?' 'I'm a Puppeteer.'

'You know, I was buying this resume until I got to the part about you serving on your town's Ouija Board.'

"Naps. Do you have anything in naps?"

Baggage Claim: Anyone Who Knows How To Hot-Wire A Car.

'I love your 'never-say-never' attitude, but we never hired you.'