Quirky Jobs Pillows

Dexter Flynn, Taxidermy Attorney.

'And I see you've listed opposable thumbs as your greatest asset...'

'Says here you can tear phonebooks in half? Well, security could use a man like you in our shredding department!'

'We're looking for someone to liven up our Monday morning job meetings. Can you handle it Chuckles?'

"Well, you certainly seem to have a lot to offer this company, and, of course, the truffles are a hell of a plus."

"Actually, the job calls for someone who is convex."

'I let my merit badges do the talking.'

"Get me a young fella-me-lad with a jib I like the cut of."

'Smith, where exactly did you get your experience in 'Hedge Fund Management'?'

"What sets you apart from other candidates?"

Urine Catcher

'My resume,...in rap form!'

"And the hiring committee was very impressed with your no nonsense attitude during the interview."

"I work well independently. I usually correct all the problems I create."

Exciting suggestion in 'suggestion box'.

'Scoutmasters aren't usually used as references.'

True, I've seen plenty of padded resumes, but very few bejeweled resumes.

"An MBA, a PhD, AND good at catching mice? Wow!"

'Bancroft, it's time to pay the salesmen their bonuses. Would you please stop at the butchers' shop and get a few pounds of raw meat?'

'Man, I gotta find a new gig!'

'Of course I have to poke people, Mom! It's my job!'

Selling salt lick lollipops to reindeers.

'I can assure you Mr. Rumplestilkskin, weaving straw into gold is a skill we can certainly use...'

Man in the stocks on his typewriter.

'I think I've finally found my own niche.'

'I see Charlie's moonlighting again.'

"This job involves travel? Let me call my parole officer and OK it with him."

'Looks like the sexton position is still vacant.'

"I've decided to let you work from home, as long as you move in here and pay me rent."

Baggage Claim: Anyone Who Knows How To Hot-Wire A Car.

"Mum, can I work in a morgue"

Latrinologist

"Any other strengths?"

"Any other skills?"

'I'd prefer to work from home. I'm under house arrest.'