Quirky Job Lovers Pillows

'That would be your perfect job...paid to do nothing!'

'Says here you can tear phonebooks in half? Well, security could use a man like you in our shredding department!'

"Well, you certainly seem to have a lot to offer this company, and, of course, the truffles are a hell of a plus."

"Actually, the job calls for someone who is convex."

"What sets you apart from other candidates?"

Urine Catcher

'My resume,...in rap form!'

"And the hiring committee was very impressed with your no nonsense attitude during the interview."

Bertha's: A bank that's more than a bank. It's also an insurance broker and a beauty parlor.

"I work well independently. I usually correct all the problems I create."

Exciting suggestion in 'suggestion box'.

Bovine Proctology Graduation

Dexter Flynn, Taxidermy Attorney.

"An MBA, a PhD, AND good at catching mice? Wow!"

'Man, I gotta find a new gig!'

'I can assure you Mr. Rumplestilkskin, weaving straw into gold is a skill we can certainly use...'

'I see Charlie's moonlighting again.'

Toilet Tissue Typist.

"There are mysteries up here on the 13th floor. Like who keeps locking the exit door? Why is that clock always 12 minutes fast? And who actually eats the liverwurst sandwiches from that machine?"

'Arthur loves his new job with the fairground - gets a company car as well.'

Man in the stocks on his typewriter.

"Mum, can I work in a morgue"

"I've decided to let you work from home, as long as you move in here and pay me rent."

PERSONNEL, 'This is terribly embarrassing -- I've been married so many times, I've forgotten my maiden name.'

Latrinologist

'Looks like the sexton position is still vacant.'

'I'd prefer to work from home. I'm under house arrest.'

A sign you're not applying at a fortune 500 company...

Let's see... Graduated from Notre Dame... Majored in bell ringing... Minored in stair climbing... Busted your hump for 3 years at the Frank & Stein facility conducting a brain research - Looks like you accidentally crossed out the 'R-E'. Heh.

'This accountant will do.'

Curse of the mutant gene.

'I got it at a leadership seminar. When you turn it over it moos.'

Now 7 days since anybody ate anybody. Let's keep it going!