Job Hunter Quirk Lover Pillows

PERSONNEL, 'This is terribly embarrassing -- I've been married so many times, I've forgotten my maiden name.'

"My biggest weakness? I'm a perfectionist."

'And I see you've listed opposable thumbs as your greatest asset...'

"I'll put your application on file, Mr. Brandt, but I'm quite happy with my current paperweight."

'Says here you can tear phonebooks in half? Well, security could use a man like you in our shredding department!'

"We were looking for somebody with experience in mumbo-jumbo but your resume is mainly about gobbledegook."

"Well, you certainly seem to have a lot to offer this company, and, of course, the truffles are a hell of a plus."

"Actually, the job calls for someone who is convex."

"What sets you apart from other candidates?"

Urine Catcher

'...we are looking for someone with great interpersonal communication skills.'

"And the hiring committee was very impressed with your no nonsense attitude during the interview."

'My resume,...in rap form!'

"We do price loyalty, but we were also rather hoping for a candidate who could read right and walk on two legs."

When staffing agencies screw up.

"I work well independently. I usually correct all the problems I create."

'Man, I gotta find a new gig!'

"An MBA, a PhD, AND good at catching mice? Wow!"

'So far, so good -- I got a second interview!'

'Do you have any other references besides your mom and Santa Claus?'

'I can assure you Mr. Rumplestilkskin, weaving straw into gold is a skill we can certainly use...'

"It pains me to do this, but you're hired."

Bit of a mix-up. The advert should have said 'Stalactite wanted'

'One question before I take the job...is this a safe workplace?'

ROBOT EMPLOYMENT AGENCY, 'We don't have much on hand right now --how'd you like to be a Pez dispenser?'

'I see Charlie's moonlighting again.'

Man in the stocks on his typewriter.

'I think I've finally found my own niche.'

"Very impressive. Leave it with me. Mommy will get back to you by the week."

"I love my job!"

"Naps. Do you have anything in naps?"

'Looks like the sexton position is still vacant.'

Baggage Claim: Anyone Who Knows How To Hot-Wire A Car.

"Mum, can I work in a morgue"

'Do we have a dental plan?..Oh sure. Big Kenny here,takes care of all tooth extractions.'