Job Hunter Quirk Lover Pillows

PERSONNEL, 'This is terribly embarrassing -- I've been married so many times, I've forgotten my maiden name.'

"My biggest weakness? I'm a perfectionist."

'And I see you've listed opposable thumbs as your greatest asset...'

"I'll put your application on file, Mr. Brandt, but I'm quite happy with my current paperweight."

"We were looking for somebody with experience in mumbo-jumbo but your resume is mainly about gobbledegook."

'Says here you can tear phonebooks in half? Well, security could use a man like you in our shredding department!'

"Well, you certainly seem to have a lot to offer this company, and, of course, the truffles are a hell of a plus."

"Actually, the job calls for someone who is convex."

"What sets you apart from other candidates?"

Urine Catcher

'...we are looking for someone with great interpersonal communication skills.'

"And the hiring committee was very impressed with your no nonsense attitude during the interview."

When staffing agencies screw up.

"We do price loyalty, but we were also rather hoping for a candidate who could read right and walk on two legs."

'My resume,...in rap form!'

"I work well independently. I usually correct all the problems I create."

"An MBA, a PhD, AND good at catching mice? Wow!"

'So far, so good -- I got a second interview!'

'Man, I gotta find a new gig!'

'Do you have any other references besides your mom and Santa Claus?'

'I can assure you Mr. Rumplestilkskin, weaving straw into gold is a skill we can certainly use...'

Bit of a mix-up. The advert should have said 'Stalactite wanted'

"It pains me to do this, but you're hired."

Man in the stocks on his typewriter.

'One question before I take the job...is this a safe workplace?'

'I see Charlie's moonlighting again.'

"Very impressive. Leave it with me. Mommy will get back to you by the week."

"I love my job!"

"Naps. Do you have anything in naps?"

'Looks like the sexton position is still vacant.'

'I love your 'never-say-never' attitude, but we never hired you.'

Latrinologist

Baggage Claim: Anyone Who Knows How To Hot-Wire A Car.