Quirky Hiring Pillows

"Get me a young fella-me-lad with a jib I like the cut of."

'And I see you've listed opposable thumbs as your greatest asset...'

'Says here you can tear phonebooks in half? Well, security could use a man like you in our shredding department!'

'We're looking for someone to liven up our Monday morning job meetings. Can you handle it Chuckles?'

"Well, you certainly seem to have a lot to offer this company, and, of course, the truffles are a hell of a plus."

"Actually, the job calls for someone who is convex."

'Mind if I join you?'

'I let my merit badges do the talking.'

'Smith, where exactly did you get your experience in 'Hedge Fund Management'?'

"What sets you apart from other candidates?"

Urine Catcher

"It's not art, really - just something I pulled out of my butt."

"And the hiring committee was very impressed with your no nonsense attitude during the interview."

"Any other skills?"

"A Ph.D. in particle physics, experience in aerospace and rocketry...of course I can juggle."

'My resume,...in rap form!'

"I work well independently. I usually correct all the problems I create."

"An MBA, a PhD, AND good at catching mice? Wow!"

True, I've seen plenty of padded resumes, but very few bejeweled resumes.

Dexter Flynn, Taxidermy Attorney.

Selling salt lick lollipops to reindeers.

"I've designed the logo for your new social media app. It's a dirty laundry basket."

'Scoutmasters aren't usually used as references.'

'Bancroft, it's time to pay the salesmen their bonuses. Would you please stop at the butchers' shop and get a few pounds of raw meat?'

"Our market research predicts this product mascot will be irresistible to both men and women..."

'Man, I gotta find a new gig!'

'Of course I have to poke people, Mom! It's my job!'

'I can assure you Mr. Rumplestilkskin, weaving straw into gold is a skill we can certainly use...'

'Ignore that, my pen leaked...'

Man in the stocks on his typewriter.

ROBOT EMPLOYMENT AGENCY, 'We don't have much on hand right now --how'd you like to be a Pez dispenser?'

'...No it's Malcom from ***** after someone with autocad experience in elecro-mechanical design.'

'I think I've finally found my own niche.'

Vincent Van Gogh has an epiphany

'I see Charlie's moonlighting again.'