Quirky Job Market Explorer Gifts

'Have you ever been to prison? If not, Burrows, Smith & Klein would like to know if you'd be willing.'

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

"He's having a hard time finding work."

"And where have you previously moused?"

'I'm afraid you don't have the leadership qualities we're seeking.'

'Do you do self-deprecating humour?'

'And I see you've listed opposable thumbs as your greatest asset...'

Between Offices

"We offer 104 vacation days...otherwise known as weekends."

"I thought about looking for work in England, but I hear they're capping bonuses."

Bubble; 'This castle manager job better be for real.'

"I'm looking for a position in a less competitive market."

Impressive qualifications, but seeing as how I'm trying to fill the position I just fired you from...

Bank P45's - 'Cashier number 5 please.'

'Says here you can tear phonebooks in half? Well, security could use a man like you in our shredding department!'

"Yes, I can use tools, but I realized early on I could earn more money as an accountant..."

'We're looking for someone to liven up our Monday morning job meetings. Can you handle it Chuckles?'

'Incidentally, our health insurance has limited eye coverage.'

"Well, you certainly seem to have a lot to offer this company, and, of course, the truffles are a hell of a plus."

"Actually, the job calls for someone who is convex."

Opp'y of a Lifetime

"The labor market is awaiting you!"

Blend Schools

'I let my merit badges do the talking.'

"It has come to my attention that you may have been somewhat less than forthcoming in your résumé."

'Maybe we should have been a bit more specific in the ad...'

"I know you used to be our paperboy. That's why when you leave, you'll find your resume on the roof."

Now hiring.

'Smith, where exactly did you get your experience in 'Hedge Fund Management'?'

'I see an applicant being hired!'

"What sets you apart from other candidates?"

'Miss Peterson will be with you as soon as she goes through a few other resumes.'

'You will have no hope of recognition or advancement. That's why you'll be underpaid.'

'Are you free at the moment?'

"I guess I'll see you around Frank."