Job Application Jokesters Gifts

'Senior management wanted me to raise morale so I made Lionel from accounts 'office jester'!'

"Hire a cost cutting, bad-guy consultant to turn me into a good guy during the layoffs."

'Yes, we do have an incentive scheme.We call it 'continued employment'.'

He likes to make work fun

'I'll review your salary next spring.'

A man is selling, 'Cameron voodoo dolls', outside of job centre.

'You're one heck of a corporate head-hunter, Ms. Bridwell.'

'Probably giving evidence at some sort of industrial tribunal....heh!'

"This is Mr Johnson, the man who works under me."

"No, I said go knock yourself out."

'Assume the position, Caruthers. I'm going to frisk you for a good idea.'

Waste Management.

'Are you free at the moment?'

"I've called this meeting so I could see all of you squirm."

'Instead of feeling sorry for yourself, feel sorry for the people who have to work with you.'

"I know eight hours sleep a day is normal... but not at work!"

'Because I'm the boss. That's why I'm so bossy.'

"Shall we call it a day? Sure, boss, let's call it Friday!"

Your HR File: Warnings, Crazy Stunts, Psych Eval.

"So, Ms. Mayfly. Where do you see yourself in five years?"

'Mr. Fogarty believes that people work better under the constant threat of a noogie.'

"I only live for 24 hours, so I need a temp job that pays big bugs."

"I think he sometimes regrets hiring a former first grade teacher as his secretary."

'Scoutmasters aren't usually used as references.'

"Yes, but you're a half hour late in dog minutes."

"Of course there are some advantages to working here...we have a Food Bank situated conveniently at the end of the street!"

"Do you have any specific experience other than 'this and that'?"

'I'm afraid we're going to have to let you go.'

"We need someone who's responsible."

'If there are any current employees traveling with children or siblings or cousins or nephews or...'

"You remind me very much of myself when I was your age, Carter, and there is no way that this company would employ such a person."

"Oh yes, I'm very adept at using office machines. I can operate soda machines, candy machines, coffee machines..."

Bring your dog to work day - let someone else make the big decisions.