Job Application Jokesters Pillows

Personnel. I've heard of "magna cum laude" and "summa cum laude," but I've never heard of a person graduating "persona non grata." (Published originally on June 3, 1981.)

'Senior management wanted me to raise morale so I made Lionel from accounts 'office jester'!'

"Hire a cost cutting, bad-guy consultant to turn me into a good guy during the layoffs."

Though Mr. Frackman had yet to say a word, Bill sensed he was about to receive a particularly lousy performance review.

'Yes, we do have an incentive scheme.We call it 'continued employment'.'

He likes to make work fun

'I'll review your salary next spring.'

A man is selling, 'Cameron voodoo dolls', outside of job centre.

'You're one heck of a corporate head-hunter, Ms. Bridwell.'

'Probably giving evidence at some sort of industrial tribunal....heh!'

"This is Mr Johnson, the man who works under me."

Waste Management.

"No, I said go knock yourself out."

'Assume the position, Caruthers. I'm going to frisk you for a good idea.'

"I've called this meeting so I could see all of you squirm."

'Are you free at the moment?'

'Instead of feeling sorry for yourself, feel sorry for the people who have to work with you.'

"I know eight hours sleep a day is normal... but not at work!"

'Because I'm the boss. That's why I'm so bossy.'

"Shall we call it a day? Sure, boss, let's call it Friday!"

Your HR File: Warnings, Crazy Stunts, Psych Eval.

"So, Ms. Mayfly. Where do you see yourself in five years?"

'Scoutmasters aren't usually used as references.'

"I only live for 24 hours, so I need a temp job that pays big bugs."

'Mr. Fogarty believes that people work better under the constant threat of a noogie.'

"I think he sometimes regrets hiring a former first grade teacher as his secretary."

"Yes, but you're a half hour late in dog minutes."

"Of course there are some advantages to working here...we have a Food Bank situated conveniently at the end of the street!"

'If there are any current employees traveling with children or siblings or cousins or nephews or...'

Bring your dog to work day - let someone else make the big decisions.

ROBOT EMPLOYMENT AGENCY, 'We don't have much on hand right now --how'd you like to be a Pez dispenser?'

"Oh yes, I'm very adept at using office machines. I can operate soda machines, candy machines, coffee machines..."

'Just because you fell in love on company time is no reason why the company has to give you time off to get married on.'

'Well... I guess it's time to look for a new job...'

'I'm afraid we're going to have to let you go.'