Job Hunt Jokesters Pillows

"You did good on the true or false part of your application, but your essay was a little weak."

'Are you free at the moment?'

"My biggest weakness? I'm a perfectionist."

"In addition to 'loyalty' are there any OTHER qualities you think you could bring to the job?"

Personnel. I've heard of "magna cum laude" and "summa cum laude," but I've never heard of a person graduating "persona non grata." (Published originally on June 3, 1981.)

"What's your occupation?"

A man is selling, 'Cameron voodoo dolls', outside of job centre.

'Your resume is quite impressive. However, I'm a little concerned about you biting your last four bosses.'

"We are looking for temps, but I'm afraid you're too temp for us."

'Sorry, but I don't think you're right for our company.'

"So, Ms. Mayfly. Where do you see yourself in five years?"

"I only live for 24 hours, so I need a temp job that pays big bugs."

"Yes, but you're a half hour late in dog minutes."

"Of course there are some advantages to working here...we have a Food Bank situated conveniently at the end of the street!"

"It pains me to do this, but you're hired."

'Well... I guess it's time to look for a new job...'

ROBOT EMPLOYMENT AGENCY, 'We don't have much on hand right now --how'd you like to be a Pez dispenser?'

'If there are any current employees traveling with children or siblings or cousins or nephews or...'

"Do you have any specific experience other than 'this and that'?"

Will work for question marks.

"I see by your r?sum? that i should have looked at it before inviting you for an interview."

"I expected you would write something."

"I want to get him something for Christmas he's never had before."

"This is an impressive resume, but do you have other experience besides 'barking a lot'?"

"This resume appears to cover only the last forty-five minutes."

'Your work experience, résumé and references are all perfectly adequate...but nothing seems to stand out.'

'Inadequate, insecure, obsessive lacking in empathy or commitment...excellent, when can you start?'

"It says here that you're looking for a temporary position. Would caddy for me today be temporary enough?"

"Hurry, son! The economy is almost at full employment! Better get a job before they're all gone!"

"Give us a few days and we'll call to tell you we've given the job to someone else."

"And what makes you think you have the necessary qualities for working on the bins?"

"And this is our head of HR who will be arranging your contract."

...becoming a restaurant critic

"Are there any openings in the labor department?"

'I see. But apart from the 'caped crime-fighting', you are, in fact, available for work.'