Job Interview Jokester Pillows

'Probably giving evidence at some sort of industrial tribunal....heh!'

'This chicken has absolutely no taste, body or character.' - 'I thought you wanted to eat it, not offer it a job.'

"You're hired, starting pay is twenty bucks an hour, later it can go up to thirty."

'Senior management wanted me to raise morale so I made Lionel from accounts 'office jester'!'

"Hire a cost cutting, bad-guy consultant to turn me into a good guy during the layoffs."

"Where do you see yourself in 20 to 25 years?"

Though Mr. Frackman had yet to say a word, Bill sensed he was about to receive a particularly lousy performance review.

"This your resumé?" "Yes, it's a list of things I hope you never ask me to do."

"Your credentials are impressive, Carter but... quite frankly, Mr. Biggles doesn't seem to like you."

'Yes, we do have an incentive scheme.We call it 'continued employment'.'

Personnel. I've heard of "magna cum laude" and "summa cum laude," but I've never heard of a person graduating "persona non grata." (Published originally on June 3, 1981.)

He likes to make work fun

'I don't have any formal training, but I do own the complet boxed set of 'Get Smart' DVD's.'

'I'll review your salary next spring.'

'You're one heck of a corporate head-hunter, Ms. Bridwell.'

A man is selling, 'Cameron voodoo dolls', outside of job centre.

"Just as I thought! You used our competitor's paper for your resume!"

"This is Mr Johnson, the man who works under me."

'Your advert didn't say anything about intelligence... it said you wanted a manager!'

'Are you free at the moment?'

'Assume the position, Caruthers. I'm going to frisk you for a good idea.'

"No, I said go knock yourself out."

Waste Management.

'Instead of feeling sorry for yourself, feel sorry for the people who have to work with you.'

'Your resume is certainly impressive, Mr. Simmons, but do you have any on the job experience?'

"I know eight hours sleep a day is normal... but not at work!"

"We're able to use you, Crampton… everything but the 'oink'."

"Oh, a resume is not necessary. I know all about you."

'Because I'm the boss. That's why I'm so bossy.'

"I've got some skills - I'm just not sure they add up to a 'set.'"

"Shall we call it a day? Sure, boss, let's call it Friday!"

'The fact that you like Tang really doesn't qualify you to be an astronaut.'

Your HR File: Warnings, Crazy Stunts, Psych Eval.

'Sorry, we just filled our Financial Analyst position, but we do have an opening in Sacrificial Lambs.'

'I took the liberty of digitally enhancing my resume to make a mountain out of a mole hill.'