Job Interview Jokester Gifts

'Probably giving evidence at some sort of industrial tribunal....heh!'

'This chicken has absolutely no taste, body or character.' - 'I thought you wanted to eat it, not offer it a job.'

"You're hired, starting pay is twenty bucks an hour, later it can go up to thirty."

'Senior management wanted me to raise morale so I made Lionel from accounts 'office jester'!'

"Hire a cost cutting, bad-guy consultant to turn me into a good guy during the layoffs."

"Where do you see yourself in 20 to 25 years?"

"Your credentials are impressive, Carter but... quite frankly, Mr. Biggles doesn't seem to like you."

"This your resumé?" "Yes, it's a list of things I hope you never ask me to do."

'Yes, we do have an incentive scheme.We call it 'continued employment'.'

'I don't have any formal training, but I do own the complet boxed set of 'Get Smart' DVD's.'

He likes to make work fun

'I'll review your salary next spring.'

"Just as I thought! You used our competitor's paper for your resume!"

A man is selling, 'Cameron voodoo dolls', outside of job centre.

'You're one heck of a corporate head-hunter, Ms. Bridwell.'

"This is Mr Johnson, the man who works under me."

'Your advert didn't say anything about intelligence... it said you wanted a manager!'

'Assume the position, Caruthers. I'm going to frisk you for a good idea.'

"No, I said go knock yourself out."

'Are you free at the moment?'

Waste Management.

'Instead of feeling sorry for yourself, feel sorry for the people who have to work with you.'

'Your resume is certainly impressive, Mr. Simmons, but do you have any on the job experience?'

"I know eight hours sleep a day is normal... but not at work!"

"We're able to use you, Crampton… everything but the 'oink'."

'Because I'm the boss. That's why I'm so bossy.'

"Oh, a resume is not necessary. I know all about you."

"I've got some skills - I'm just not sure they add up to a 'set.'"

"Shall we call it a day? Sure, boss, let's call it Friday!"

Your HR File: Warnings, Crazy Stunts, Psych Eval.

'Sorry, we just filled our Financial Analyst position, but we do have an opening in Sacrificial Lambs.'

"I think he sometimes regrets hiring a former first grade teacher as his secretary."

'I took the liberty of digitally enhancing my resume to make a mountain out of a mole hill.'

"Your resume says SOB, tell me more about that."

'Mr. Fogarty believes that people work better under the constant threat of a noogie.'