Job Hunt Jokester Gifts

'I see from your C. V., that you're wanted in five states.'

"So, Ms. Mayfly. Where do you see yourself in five years?"

"In addition to 'loyalty' are there any OTHER qualities you think you could bring to the job?"

Personnel. I've heard of "magna cum laude" and "summa cum laude," but I've never heard of a person graduating "persona non grata." (Published originally on June 3, 1981.)

A man is selling, 'Cameron voodoo dolls', outside of job centre.

'Probably giving evidence at some sort of industrial tribunal....heh!'

'Are you free at the moment?'

'Interesting resume, would you mind if I kept it overnight? I'd like to take it home with me...and scare the living daylight out of my kids.'

'When I said you'd have to jump through hoops, I meant you'll have to literally jump through hoops.'

'Your resume is quite impressive. However, I'm a little concerned about you biting your last four bosses.'

'Sorry, but I don't think you're right for our company.'

"We are looking for temps, but I'm afraid you're too temp for us."

"I only live for 24 hours, so I need a temp job that pays big bugs."

"My next song is a little ditty about why I don't have any references."

"Of course there are some advantages to working here...we have a Food Bank situated conveniently at the end of the street!"

"It pains me to do this, but you're hired."

ROBOT EMPLOYMENT AGENCY, 'We don't have much on hand right now --how'd you like to be a Pez dispenser?'

"May I ask why you have 'inspired by true events' on the top of your resume?"

"Do you have any specific experience other than 'this and that'?"

'If there are any current employees traveling with children or siblings or cousins or nephews or...'

'I haven't gotten to your story yet. I'm laughing at your resume.'

"We need someone who's responsible."

"You remind me very much of myself when I was your age, Carter, and there is no way that this company would employ such a person."

"I have to admit, I've never seen anyone list 'cleaning out my desk' as a job skill."

"I see by your r?sum? that i should have looked at it before inviting you for an interview."

Will work for question marks.

"This is an impressive resume, but do you have other experience besides 'barking a lot'?"

"I expected you would write something."

"I want to get him something for Christmas he's never had before."

"Don't worry mate... We've rung for an economist."

'Says you like to play practical jokes.'

"This resume appears to cover only the last forty-five minutes."

'Let me clarify something, Simpkins. . . I didn't say you were going to Mexico. . . I said your job is going to Mexico.'

'Your work experience, résumé and references are all perfectly adequate...but nothing seems to stand out.'

"Give us a few days and we'll call to tell you we've given the job to someone else."