Job Interview Jokesters Gifts

"I see. Very impressive. Now, what would you say are your weaknesses?"

'Senior management wanted me to raise morale so I made Lionel from accounts 'office jester'!'

"Hire a cost cutting, bad-guy consultant to turn me into a good guy during the layoffs."

"Your credentials are impressive, Carter but... quite frankly, Mr. Biggles doesn't seem to like you."

Though Mr. Frackman had yet to say a word, Bill sensed he was about to receive a particularly lousy performance review.

'Yes, we do have an incentive scheme.We call it 'continued employment'.'

'I don't have any formal training, but I do own the complet boxed set of 'Get Smart' DVD's.'

He likes to make work fun

Personnel. I've heard of "magna cum laude" and "summa cum laude," but I've never heard of a person graduating "persona non grata." (Published originally on June 3, 1981.)

'I'll review your salary next spring.'

A man is selling, 'Cameron voodoo dolls', outside of job centre.

'Probably giving evidence at some sort of industrial tribunal....heh!'

'You're one heck of a corporate head-hunter, Ms. Bridwell.'

"Just as I thought! You used our competitor's paper for your resume!"

"This is Mr Johnson, the man who works under me."

'Assume the position, Caruthers. I'm going to frisk you for a good idea.'

"I've called this meeting so I could see all of you squirm."

"No, I said go knock yourself out."

'Are you free at the moment?'

Waste Management.

'Instead of feeling sorry for yourself, feel sorry for the people who have to work with you.'

"I know eight hours sleep a day is normal... but not at work!"

"We're able to use you, Crampton… everything but the 'oink'."

'Because I'm the boss. That's why I'm so bossy.'

"Oh, a resume is not necessary. I know all about you."

"Shall we call it a day? Sure, boss, let's call it Friday!"

"I've got some skills - I'm just not sure they add up to a 'set.'"

Your HR File: Warnings, Crazy Stunts, Psych Eval.

'I took the liberty of digitally enhancing my resume to make a mountain out of a mole hill.'

"I think he sometimes regrets hiring a former first grade teacher as his secretary."

'Mr. Fogarty believes that people work better under the constant threat of a noogie.'

'Sorry, we just filled our Financial Analyst position, but we do have an opening in Sacrificial Lambs.'

"So, Ms. Mayfly. Where do you see yourself in five years?"

'Just because you fell in love on company time is no reason why the company has to give you time off to get married on.'

"Well we are looking for people with a wide range of skills."