Lovers Of Job Interview Humor Gifts

'You have a dual-personality, sir, and I think we can use both of them.'

'So you have a PhD, big deal, everyone working here has one! The question is, what can you really do?'

"What's your occupation?"

"It's my conscience... It's all achy"

"We're able to use you, Crampton… everything but the 'oink'."

'We're not hiring. The company is just giving me some experience conducting interviews.'

'I'm afraid I can't do business with you, Miss Carstairs -- you're just too damned cute.'

'What went particularly well?'

'Scoutmasters aren't usually used as references.'

"Besides, 'Not working for this crappy company,' where do you see yourself in 5 years?"

I have an opening for someone like you. It's called a door.

Bit of a mix-up. The advert should have said 'Stalactite wanted'

'As a consultant, my job is to speak to you as if I knew how your business worked.'

"Oh yes, I'm very adept at using office machines. I can operate soda machines, candy machines, coffee machines..."

'One good thing about the salary - you won't be liable for income tax.'

'It's a grueling job that requires a strong commitment and personal sacrifice. Is your mother available?'

Not only have we been laid off, but, being small, we can crawl through air ducts with ease.

"Sir, are all these compliments and this reminiscing about my time here leading up to my termination?"

"The position you've applied for does employ some osmosis."

"Well, I made you a job offer and you accepted. I guess the only thing left is for me to read you your Miranda rights."

"What quality do you have, that will make us hire you as our new telephone support employee?"

'Tell me why you want to work here. Tell me why anyone would want to work here.'

'Do you see yourself as a team player?'

"Your job will be to furnish the office with fresh fish on a daily basis."

"Sorry, but we're looking for someone with more experience."

'Leadership abilities? Well I was the first to resign from the LAST place I worked!'

"We'll it's a very impressive CV, I didn’t know you could earn a masters degree in being 'dead good at stuff'."

"Any other job skills besides whistling while you work?"

'This sounds promising... 'Help wanted: Live Bait'...'

'Those who can't hunt, gather -- those who can't hunt OR gather, teach.'

'I'm a hunter, but I've been cross-trained in gatheriing.'

"You state on your resume that you're lazy, incompetent and unreliable. There is such a thing as being too honest."

"Congratulations! I think I have just the position for you."

Superior Salesman Required - I believe their products are rubbish.