Job Interview Jokers Gifts

'I'm a hunter, but I've been cross-trained in gatheriing.'

"Your credentials are impressive, Carter but... quite frankly, Mr. Biggles doesn't seem to like you."

Personnel. I've heard of "magna cum laude" and "summa cum laude," but I've never heard of a person graduating "persona non grata." (Published originally on June 3, 1981.)

'I don't have any formal training, but I do own the complet boxed set of 'Get Smart' DVD's.'

"You don't mind the psychometric test, do you?"

'Probably giving evidence at some sort of industrial tribunal....heh!'

"Just as I thought! You used our competitor's paper for your resume!"

"Well, it could be the rising tide of consumer indifference to our company's latest product, or it might be the sink in the men's bathroom acting up again. We're still not sure."

"We're able to use you, Crampton… everything but the 'oink'."

Resume Consultant. Listing professional development courses you've taken since your last job was fine, but don't put"New & Improved" above your name.

"Oh, a resume is not necessary. I know all about you."

'Yes,I do have a question.. What kind of dental plan do you have?'

"I've got some skills - I'm just not sure they add up to a 'set.'"

"According to your resume, your last three employers are some of the biggest crime families on the eastern seaboard. I don't know what position you've applied for, but welcome to the company."

"I only live for 24 hours, so I need a temp job that pays big bugs."

'Sorry, we just filled our Financial Analyst position, but we do have an opening in Sacrificial Lambs.'

'I took the liberty of digitally enhancing my resume to make a mountain out of a mole hill.'

I've got to run to my job interview! Do I have spinach between my teeth?

"Have you any OTHER questions apart from home soon you qualify to take sick leave?"

"Sorry...I overslept."

"Oh yes, I'm very adept at using office machines. I can operate soda machines, candy machines, coffee machines..."

'Well... I guess it's time to look for a new job...'

"They said you'd be challenging."

Banking Appointments

'You are devious and deceitful.' - 'Thanks very much.'

'Do you see yourself as a team player?'

'No thanks! Knowing what I'm supposed to be doing might throw me off.'

'Your smile came in a distant third.'

Anything In Your Background a senate sub-committe would find interesting?

"Yes, we need someone to test a run of facial tissue. What makes you qualified?"

'This chicken has absolutely no taste, body or character.' - 'I thought you wanted to eat it, not offer it a job.'

"You're hired, starting pay is twenty bucks an hour, later it can go up to thirty."

"I see high school, college, and business school, but I don't see obedience school."

"I see you're of good character."

"Congratulations! I think I have just the position for you."