Job Hunting Jokers Gifts

"Health care? Pensions? Oh, that's marvelous! We're looking for people with vivid imaginations!"

"I only live for 24 hours, so I need a temp job that pays big bugs."

"You don't mind the psychometric test, do you?"

A man is selling, 'Cameron voodoo dolls', outside of job centre.

"If I'd known you were not looking for experience I wouldn't have lied on my CV."

'I see you have extensive experience eating, sleeping, and mating. That puts you two steps ahead of all the college graduates who have applied.'

'Are you free at the moment?'

"I didn't bring a resume. I brought coffee and donuts."

"I know your previous employer gave you an excellent reference, but you were self-employed."

"I've worked as a wet-nurse for ten years, but I'm after something new now..."

"I don't need your resume. Your current employer forwarded me a ton of security video that you're featured in."

"Damn tail... now he's going to ask for more money."

'Interesting resume, would you mind if I kept it overnight? I'd like to take it home with me...and scare the living daylight out of my kids.'

'Sorry, but I don't think you're right for our company.'

'This is one of those 'shovel ready' jobs you hear about.'

"My next song is a little ditty about why I don't have any references."

"So, Ms. Mayfly. Where do you see yourself in five years?"

"Thanks for coming in again. Sorry about the last time. I must have pulled the wrong lever by mistake."

'I haven't gotten to your story yet. I'm laughing at your resume.'

"Do you have any specific experience other than 'this and that'?"

'If there are any current employees traveling with children or siblings or cousins or nephews or...'

'Well... I guess it's time to look for a new job...'

"May I ask why you have 'inspired by true events' on the top of your resume?"

"I must admit, I thought I had seen every type of 'attention grabbing' resume out there, but this..."

'Sorry, but I have to put 'Orca': Who would hire a 'Killer Whale'?...'

'Heyyy, you're hired! Want a peanut?'

"I have to admit, I've never seen anyone list 'cleaning out my desk' as a job skill."

"This is an impressive resume, but do you have other experience besides 'barking a lot'?"

"I expected you would write something."

Personnel - Equal Opportunities Employer.

"I see by your r?sum? that i should have looked at it before inviting you for an interview."

"I thought it was a myth, but it's true—when you're fired your whole resume flashes before your eyes."

Will work for question marks.

"I want to get him something for Christmas he's never had before."