Job Hunting Jokers Gifts

"Health care? Pensions? Oh, that's marvelous! We're looking for people with vivid imaginations!"

"I only live for 24 hours, so I need a temp job that pays big bugs."

Personnel. I've heard of "magna cum laude" and "summa cum laude," but I've never heard of a person graduating "persona non grata." (Published originally on June 3, 1981.)

"You don't mind the psychometric test, do you?"

"I see you have a lot of experience in re-tail. . ."

A man is selling, 'Cameron voodoo dolls', outside of job centre.

"If I'd known you were not looking for experience I wouldn't have lied on my CV."

'I see you have extensive experience eating, sleeping, and mating. That puts you two steps ahead of all the college graduates who have applied.'

"I didn't bring a resume. I brought coffee and donuts."

'Are you free at the moment?'

"I know your previous employer gave you an excellent reference, but you were self-employed."

"I've worked as a wet-nurse for ten years, but I'm after something new now..."

"I don't need your resume. Your current employer forwarded me a ton of security video that you're featured in."

'Interesting resume, would you mind if I kept it overnight? I'd like to take it home with me...and scare the living daylight out of my kids.'

"Damn tail... now he's going to ask for more money."

'Sorry, but I don't think you're right for our company.'

'This is one of those 'shovel ready' jobs you hear about.'

"My next song is a little ditty about why I don't have any references."

"So, Ms. Mayfly. Where do you see yourself in five years?"

"Thanks for coming in again. Sorry about the last time. I must have pulled the wrong lever by mistake."

'Heyyy, you're hired! Want a peanut?'

'Sorry, but I have to put 'Orca': Who would hire a 'Killer Whale'?...'

'If there are any current employees traveling with children or siblings or cousins or nephews or...'

"I must admit, I thought I had seen every type of 'attention grabbing' resume out there, but this..."

"Do you have any specific experience other than 'this and that'?"

ROBOT EMPLOYMENT AGENCY, 'We don't have much on hand right now --how'd you like to be a Pez dispenser?'

'I haven't gotten to your story yet. I'm laughing at your resume.'

"May I ask why you have 'inspired by true events' on the top of your resume?"

'Well... I guess it's time to look for a new job...'

"I have to admit, I've never seen anyone list 'cleaning out my desk' as a job skill."

"I want to get him something for Christmas he's never had before."

Personnel - Equal Opportunities Employer.

Will work for question marks.

"I thought it was a myth, but it's true—when you're fired your whole resume flashes before your eyes."

"I see by your r?sum? that i should have looked at it before inviting you for an interview."