Job Hunting Jester Gifts

Way too much information on your resume.

"They told me it would be and excellent resumé. What else does it say?"

'Do you have any other references besides Mr. Boo Boo?'

'And what have you been doing in the ten years since you left your last job?'

"I see you have a lot of experience in re-tail. . ."

"If I'd known you were not looking for experience I wouldn't have lied on my CV."

"Good interview, Barnes. The crying, begging and pandering were a nice tough."

'I see you have extensive experience eating, sleeping, and mating. That puts you two steps ahead of all the college graduates who have applied.'

'Any other counter-terrorism experience besides driving a junior high school bus?'

Job center

"Can we make this quick? I'm considering early retirement."

"I know your previous employer gave you an excellent reference, but you were self-employed."

"I've worked as a wet-nurse for ten years, but I'm after something new now..."

Personnel - Equal Opportunities Employer.

'Heyyy, you're hired! Want a peanut?'

'Sorry, but I have to put 'Orca': Who would hire a 'Killer Whale'?...'

'No, I'm afraid that position's been filled as well.'

"I must admit, I thought I had seen every type of 'attention grabbing' resume out there, but this..."

"Any other qualifications apart from 36 Facebook friends?"

"He's probably okay, but let's check his credit references anyway. You call the bookie, I'll call the exotic dancer."

"I thought it was a myth, but it's true—when you're fired your whole resume flashes before your eyes."

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

'The lads at the office still talk about the day you told the boss what to do with his job...'

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

'What's that? It's a leaving present for the next person who comes in late.'

"And where have you previously moused?"

Born In Captivity.

'I'm afraid you don't have the leadership qualities we're seeking.'

'I'm looking fo someone who can make me laugh.'

"This your resumé?" "Yes, it's a list of things I hope you never ask me to do."

'Mr. Coleman is on vacation. Would you care to hold?'

'I know my resume makes me seem overtrained, but I really wasn't paying attention.'

'Do you do self-deprecating humour?'

'You obviously took my suggestion to reduce stress to the extreme.'

'Clear out your desk, Randy. ...NEXT!'