Job Market Jester Gifts

'That's true. We did advertise for someone who 'works well under pressure'...'

"What made this guy stand out?" "He applied."

'Hi, guess who just got head hunted?'

'I'm afraid you don't have the leadership qualities we're seeking.'

'And finally, sir, would you like your burger flipped by a Ph.D. in Philosophy, History or English Literature?'

"Take a seat and I'll get right to the point. We're looking for someone with lots of imagination."

Opp'y of a Lifetime

'This is the age of specialisation - you can't be a hunter AND a gatherer.'

"Do you think this would work for the Wilkin's account."

'Reinvent yourself, and get back to us.'

How to tell it's still an employer's job market...

Impossible to Fill Vacancies

"...but if we're ever scraping the bottom of the barrel we'll be in touch."

"Nothing personal, We need more parking space."

"And where have you previously moused?"

'So, you're looking for casual labour!'

'Your resume says that you were self employed and then you were fired?'

Impressive qualifications, but seeing as how I'm trying to fill the position I just fired you from...

'Forget it, they're just looking for 'gatherers', right now.'

'How would like my resume? Slides, internet, webinar, 4 color glossy brochure, classic hardcopy, interpretive dance?'

'What a horrible way to make a living...'

"We got him through a firm of headhunters"

'Fantastic CV, masses of experience...shame she wanted paying!'

"Good news. We've downgraded our recruitment intensity level from "nationwide search" to "anyone with a pulse"."

"Oh, I'm comfortable with a job offering minimum security. It reminds me of my last 4 years in prison."

"We don't have a lot of options for working just one day a year."

'But can you walk, chew gum and TEXT at the same time??'

Recent ICE raids in Nebraska open up dozens of jobs for American workers.

Sorry, Mr Arbutnot, I'm not interested

'Excellent resume, Mr.Lubish, but we already have a shaman.'

'We've replaced the hiring bonus and the health coverage with a promise of a job.'

Graduation Cap Trash Bin

"No, I'm sorry, we're looking for special people."

The Greatest Resignation

You know, you're a real piece of work, Al. In today's job market I assume that's a compliment, doctor.