Job Search Jester Gifts

"This your resumé?" "Yes, it's a list of things I hope you never ask me to do."

'The position calls for a doctorate, in biochemistry...'

'We don't have an opening at the moment, but if you'll wait one minute...'

"You're not giving me the job because I'm 'over qualified'? Oh, don't worry, most of those qualifications have been falsified."

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

'The lads at the office still talk about the day you told the boss what to do with his job...'

'What's that? It's a leaving present for the next person who comes in late.'

"And where have you previously moused?"

Born In Captivity.

'I'm afraid you don't have the leadership qualities we're seeking.'

'I'm looking fo someone who can make me laugh.'

'I know my resume makes me seem overtrained, but I really wasn't paying attention.'

'Do you do self-deprecating humour?'

'Mr. Coleman is on vacation. Would you care to hold?'

'You obviously took my suggestion to reduce stress to the extreme.'

"First the good news - one of us hasn't been made redundant."

'Looks like no Christmas bonus this year.'

"So, Mr Canary, I see you have experience as a mine safety specialist..."

"I wanted a Meticulous Monday or a Thorough Thursday report. This reads more like a Frivolous Friday."

'Clear out your desk, Randy. ...NEXT!'

"This is bad work, Edwards! Bad! Bad! Bad! Bad!"

"I see you have a lot of experience in re-tail. . ."

Impressive qualifications, but seeing as how I'm trying to fill the position I just fired you from...

Bank P45's - 'Cashier number 5 please.'

When Pro Athletes Enter The Workforce.

'You're resigning? What great timing! I was going to lay you off friday!'

"The job is yours. You're a jerk, we're all jerks, I think it'll be a great fit!"

Opp'y of a Lifetime

"If I'd known you were not looking for experience I wouldn't have lied on my CV."

'Your advert didn't say anything about intelligence... it said you wanted a manager!'

'I see you have extensive experience eating, sleeping, and mating. That puts you two steps ahead of all the college graduates who have applied.'

Corporate Cafeteria. I don't care how many toppings you pizza has --- eating it is not multitasking!

"I've worked as a wet-nurse for ten years, but I'm after something new now..."

'I see an applicant being hired!'