Job Interviewing Jester Gifts

'You don't improve your chances by writing your resume in crayon.'

'The lads at the office still talk about the day you told the boss what to do with his job...'

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

'What's that? It's a leaving present for the next person who comes in late.'

"It's made entirely out of rejected resumes."

"Where would you see yourself in five years' time?"

'I'm afraid you don't have the leadership qualities we're seeking.'

'I'm looking fo someone who can make me laugh.'

'You'll get five paid sick days, plus an additional two when you're shedding your skin.'

"I see by your resume this would be your first time in a symbiotic relationship."

"So what makes you think you're qualified for this job?"

'I believe in a 'carrot and stick' approach to motivation. The carrot is not to use the stick.'

'I know my resume makes me seem overtrained, but I really wasn't paying attention.'

"This your resumé?" "Yes, it's a list of things I hope you never ask me to do."

'Mr. Coleman is on vacation. Would you care to hold?'

"Your credentials are impressive, Carter but... quite frankly, Mr. Biggles doesn't seem to like you."

'You obviously took my suggestion to reduce stress to the extreme.'

'If you take this job, you will need child care... that's my second job.'

"I see by your resume that you're having trouble finding work because you pad your resume."

'Kimble, I'm going to give you a chance at purchasing - nip over to the cafe and get me a cheese and pickle sandwich.'

'We like your style, but hate your substance.'

"You inhabit the body of someone who has an impressive résumé."

"I wanted a Meticulous Monday or a Thorough Thursday report. This reads more like a Frivolous Friday."

'Clear out your desk, Randy. ...NEXT!'

'Looks like no Christmas bonus this year.'

Scapegoat of the Year

"It says here on your resume that one of your qualities is a sense of humor. Care to elaborate?"

'I don't have any formal training, but I do own the complet boxed set of 'Get Smart' DVD's.'

"This is bad work, Edwards! Bad! Bad! Bad! Bad!"

"Just how long has there been a maraschino cherry at the top of the organizational chart?"

"It says here that in your last job you did a lot of traveling."

"I see you have a lot of experience in re-tail. . ."

Is there a spin doctor in the house?

'So what are your ambitions?'