Interview Jester Gifts

"It's made entirely out of rejected resumes."

'Your resume is quite impressive. However, I'm a little concerned about you biting your last four bosses.'

'Do you have any other references besides your mom and Santa Claus?'

"It says here that in your last job you did a lot of traveling."

"May I ask why you have 'inspired by true events' on the top of your resume?"

'I asked you to bring your c.v.'

'Your resume is pure baloney. How'd you like to write political speeches?'

'The black hole in my resume? My dog ate it.'

"Experience? I was an on-line financial analyst for nearly an hour."

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

'The lads at the office still talk about the day you told the boss what to do with his job...'

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

'What's that? It's a leaving present for the next person who comes in late.'

"We're following Carrot Top."

'I'm looking fo someone who can make me laugh.'

"Hire a cost cutting, bad-guy consultant to turn me into a good guy during the layoffs."

'Mr. Coleman is on vacation. Would you care to hold?'

"Unless one is a humorist, Haskins. One should avoid attempts at humor."

'You obviously took my suggestion to reduce stress to the extreme.'

'WELL, that certainly was a frank discussion! Shall we proceed to the inevitable apologies, retractions and clarifications?'

'Kimble, I'm going to give you a chance at purchasing - nip over to the cafe and get me a cheese and pickle sandwich.'

'Looks like no Christmas bonus this year.'

Stepping on clown's shoe...

"I wanted a Meticulous Monday or a Thorough Thursday report. This reads more like a Frivolous Friday."

'Clear out your desk, Randy. ...NEXT!'

'Ms. Blumter, please get me a copy of Educational Leadership for Dummies.'

"This is bad work, Edwards! Bad! Bad! Bad! Bad!"

"Just how long has there been a maraschino cherry at the top of the organizational chart?"

'Make him laugh, make him cry.'

Is there a spin doctor in the house?

When Pro Athletes Enter The Workforce.

"The job is yours. You're a jerk, we're all jerks, I think it'll be a great fit!"

'I want a win-win situation where both wins are ours.'

'Fear of getting caught is understandable but fear of water, I think, requires counselling.'

'Your advert didn't say anything about intelligence... it said you wanted a manager!'