Examination Jester Gifts

A-level results 19th Aug - 'D' for dunce

"It's made entirely out of rejected resumes."

'I ace 'wheeling' but I flunked 'dealing'' - Boy on leaving Business Administration.

"Can you change this quiz grade from an A to a C? I like to keep expectations low until I blow my parents' mind by acing the final exam."

''C-minus'? ??" Do you know how long it took me to find and download this term paper?'

"Philosophy Department. Why may I direct your call?"

'What he said about judgement day is scary. Maybe we should find a good lawyer.'

"Nous somme desir-eh, go, er, allez, erm, universitaire français, s'il vous plait."

"Political Science... that's in the Department of Performing Arts."

"Some school - They teach us about the Fifth Amendment, but they won't let us use it on TESTS!"

'When I was studying animal husbandry, I met the animal who became my husband.'

'Ms. Blumter, please get me a copy of Educational Leadership for Dummies.'

"It says here that in your last job you did a lot of traveling."

I'm doing poorly, but that's without performance enhancing drugs.

'Cut down on sodium? I'm taking that with a pinch of salt.'

"Yes, next year you'll be moving from classroom to classrooms, and, no, it doesn't count as PE."

Man Tries Use Telescope In Observatory As Cannon.

"First period music always leaves me with a tune stuck in my head for the rest of the day."

'Dr. Young is a professor at one of the nation's leading party schools.'

'Your resume is quite impressive. However, I'm a little concerned about you biting your last four bosses.'

"Solar flares may be a contributing factor or perhaps it's a negative vibe sensitivity...."

Thomas Carlyle

'So far, so good -- I got a second interview!'

Dept. de Philosophie

That's Roderick Sloan, the Alvin Meriwether professor of business administration, and with him is Alvin Meriwether, the Roderick Sloan professor of economics.

Physics 101. An object in motion remaining in motion is an example of what law? Easy come, easy go!

'Nots so hot on my SATS, but I aced my STDS.'

'Your resume is pure baloney. How'd you like to write political speeches?'

'Do you have any other references besides your mom and Santa Claus?'

"You have to not only show your answer, you have to show how you got your answer."

"I've decided to be an organ donor."

'Open your mouth and say 'Ah' -- I'm going to try some anti-virus software.'

"We're trying to save your husband."

"This looks cool, Mum, a university offering a degree course in Greed."

"If we hire you, Sanders, you'll find that when it comes to security, we don't fool around."