Scientific Jester Gifts

Mr. Science Times

Man Tries Use Telescope In Observatory As Cannon.

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

Intelligent people laugh too!

'I ace 'wheeling' but I flunked 'dealing'' - Boy on leaving Business Administration.

"Can you change this quiz grade from an A to a C? I like to keep expectations low until I blow my parents' mind by acing the final exam."

"An un-observed universe ceases to exist. Yeah right!"

''C-minus'? ??" Do you know how long it took me to find and download this term paper?'

"Intelligent design...well, duh!"

"That's an awfully large small intestine and an awfully small large intestine."

"Philosophy Department. Why may I direct your call?"

"Political Science... that's in the Department of Performing Arts."

"Phyllis, this isn�t my laptop..."

"Nous somme desir-eh, go, er, allez, erm, universitaire français, s'il vous plait."

"Nobody's perfect, but we're working on it."

'When I was studying animal husbandry, I met the animal who became my husband.'

"Some school - They teach us about the Fifth Amendment, but they won't let us use it on TESTS!"

'To make up for the decline in snail mail deliveries, I've taken to biting my master every time he gets an e-mail.'

I'm doing poorly, but that's without performance enhancing drugs.

'Cut down on sodium? I'm taking that with a pinch of salt.'

"Yes, next year you'll be moving from classroom to classrooms, and, no, it doesn't count as PE."

"But seriously do you think my eclectic knowledge of the history of the development of the claw hammer makes me more of a sex magnet?"

"So a horse has 6 legs, forelegs at the front and 2 at the back?"

"I think someone put Bob on vibrate."

'If you don't behave we'll unfreeze your stem cells!'

"I'm going to shoot some hoops with members of the Flat Earth Society."

'I finnaly located what was causing that hissing sound on the tractor.'

"I only have two apps on my phone. One makes me spend all my money and the other gives me embezzling tips."

'Dr. Young is a professor at one of the nation's leading party schools.'

"Hi, I'm the new IT-security-expert! Where is your server room? I want to see if I can overcome your firewall!"

"I did warn you about doing that, Gorak. . ."

"It's the formula for a black hole."

If this plutonium should start to roam,box it's ears and sent it home.

"Solar flares may be a contributing factor or perhaps it's a negative vibe sensitivity...."

Thomas Carlyle