Academic Jester Gifts

'Our proposal didn't get the grant, but they want us to teach proposal writing.'

'I call it 'Research Paper Lite.' It contains a third fewer facts, but you'd never know it.'

'They're not the exam results, headmaster. They're the truancy figures.'

"You have to not only show your answer, you have to show how you got your answer."

''C-minus'? ??" Do you know how long it took me to find and download this term paper?'

'There's really no need for confusion. Part 95 of section 33 of article Q in the formula quite clearly states ... '

'Fermat's Next-to-Last Theorem'

Thomas Carlyle

"Solar flares may be a contributing factor or perhaps it's a negative vibe sensitivity...."

Student at bookstore advertising used books advertises used homework.

"I made a new year's resolution to bring home a report card I could be proud of, but Stephanie Hart wouldn't give me hers."

"Yes, next year you'll be moving from classroom to classrooms, and, no, it doesn't count as PE."

'The guidance counselor thinks my sloppy writing will help my career goal of becoming a doctor.'

"My job title is actually Dean of Semantics. Well, not semantics exactly. And yet, not not semantics either."

"If I fail, will I be able to re-sit?"

Dept. de Philosophie

"Nous somme desir-eh, go, er, allez, erm, universitaire français, s'il vous plait."

"Political Science... that's in the Department of Performing Arts."

'Remember, Dad, those grades are after taxes.'

"When I paid you to hack into the school's computer to change my grade, I meant to an A, not an F."

"I lost my computer homework and used Kevin's as a backup."

"Can you change this quiz grade from an A to a C? I like to keep expectations low until I blow my parents' mind by acing the final exam."

"Some school - They teach us about the Fifth Amendment, but they won't let us use it on TESTS!"

College Books: Meat the Arthor. . . Special Sail. . . We Bye Yoused Text Books.

'For years, I've had Bobo take care of all my admin paperwork so that I can concentrate on my research: Nobody seems to have noticed...'

Exit

Physics 101. An object in motion remaining in motion is an example of what law? Easy come, easy go!

I'm doing poorly, but that's without performance enhancing drugs.

'I'm studying psychology and philosophy, what are you studying?'

'I'm sorry, you've missed the professor, he's out on field research!'

'Dr. Young is a professor at one of the nation's leading party schools.'

"Here is the university's R-U-Tenure-Trak number. Just punch in your professor's code."

That's Roderick Sloan, the Alvin Meriwether professor of business administration, and with him is Alvin Meriwether, the Roderick Sloan professor of economics.

'I installed anti-agitation software that plays soothing music, whenever I access math and science scores.'

'When I was studying animal husbandry, I met the animal who became my husband.'