Scholarly Jester Gifts

'I ace 'wheeling' but I flunked 'dealing'' - Boy on leaving Business Administration.

'My teacher says if I made bad grades, I'm spending too much time in front of the TV. I say if I made good grades, I'm spending too much time at school.'

"Philosophy Department. Why may I direct your call?"

'My reading comprehension is so-so, but I do make up for it with my highlighting skills.'

"Can you change this quiz grade from an A to a C? I like to keep expectations low until I blow my parents' mind by acing the final exam."

''C-minus'? ??" Do you know how long it took me to find and download this term paper?'

"Nous somme desir-eh, go, er, allez, erm, universitaire français, s'il vous plait."

"Political Science... that's in the Department of Performing Arts."

'When I was studying animal husbandry, I met the animal who became my husband.'

"Some school - They teach us about the Fifth Amendment, but they won't let us use it on TESTS!"

'Ms. Blumter, please get me a copy of Educational Leadership for Dummies.'

Books / Coffee table books

I'm doing poorly, but that's without performance enhancing drugs.

"I'd have been here sooner if it hadn't been for early detection."

"Yes, next year you'll be moving from classroom to classrooms, and, no, it doesn't count as PE."

'In this next precedent, an attorney lost his frivolous lawsuit complaint and his opponent then filed a frivolous 'frivolous lawsuit' lawsuit.'

"But seriously do you think my eclectic knowledge of the history of the development of the claw hammer makes me more of a sex magnet?"

'Dr. Young is a professor at one of the nation's leading party schools.'

Man Tries Use Telescope In Observatory As Cannon.

"First period music always leaves me with a tune stuck in my head for the rest of the day."

"Gracie, don't worry so much about your big test... You know, when I was your age, I didn't know the meaning of the word 'fear'. Until I looked it up."

'My client asserts that walking on land was his idea and he therefore claims 50% of all subsequent profits.'

"Solar flares may be a contributing factor or perhaps it's a negative vibe sensitivity...."

Thomas Carlyle

"Yuck! Som'one left their nose in this book!"

Dept. de Philosophie

"I'm not doodling. I'm illuminating my homework."

That's Roderick Sloan, the Alvin Meriwether professor of business administration, and with him is Alvin Meriwether, the Roderick Sloan professor of economics.

Poet's Corner

"You have to not only show your answer, you have to show how you got your answer."

Sign On Door of Dept. Of Neanderthal Literature - Out Eat Back.

"Would you be upset if we marked it as humor?"

Watch the author miss his deadline 4 to 7

'For years, I've had Bobo take care of all my admin paperwork so that I can concentrate on my research: Nobody seems to have noticed...'