Literary Jester Gifts

Poet's Corner

'My reading comprehension is so-so, but I do make up for it with my highlighting skills.'

'Sir, I suggest we analyze our current cash flow situation in light of the obvious thematic parallels it has with several classic short stories!'

Books / Coffee table books

Watch the author miss his deadline 4 to 7

"I'm looking for a book by T. What's-His-Face Boyle."

To sleep, perchance to wake up as a different person.

…You're looking for the Harry who books?… Liz is officially out of the race for "librarian of the year"…

"Would you be upset if we marked it as humor?"

"Gracie, don't worry so much about your big test... You know, when I was your age, I didn't know the meaning of the word 'fear'. Until I looked it up."

'Ah, Gibbon. Are you learning anything?'

"How should I know if this the book I'm supposed to return if I haven't even read it?"

City Library: "Oh-oh - I left 'Left behind' behind!"

"Yuck! Som'one left their nose in this book!"

Back talking books

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

"We're following Carrot Top."

'I ace 'wheeling' but I flunked 'dealing'' - Boy on leaving Business Administration.

Professor Wiles grows insufferable.

"Can you change this quiz grade from an A to a C? I like to keep expectations low until I blow my parents' mind by acing the final exam."

''C-minus'? ??" Do you know how long it took me to find and download this term paper?'

"Philosophy Department. Why may I direct your call?"

"Hire a cost cutting, bad-guy consultant to turn me into a good guy during the layoffs."

"Petting zoo" "Heavy petting zoo"

Pretty girls listen patiently. They know you'll soon get tongue-tied and won't be able to talk anymore.

"Political Science... that's in the Department of Performing Arts."

"Unless one is a humorist, Haskins. One should avoid attempts at humor."

"Nous somme desir-eh, go, er, allez, erm, universitaire français, s'il vous plait."

'WELL, that certainly was a frank discussion! Shall we proceed to the inevitable apologies, retractions and clarifications?'

Stepping on clown's shoe...

"I love a woman with a sense of humour."

'When I was studying animal husbandry, I met the animal who became my husband.'

"Some school - They teach us about the Fifth Amendment, but they won't let us use it on TESTS!"

I'm doing poorly, but that's without performance enhancing drugs.

'Make him laugh, make him cry.'