Ironic Jester Gifts

"I'd have been here sooner if it hadn't been for early detection."

"My first concern is the well-being of my crew."

"No, no, I'm just here for the relationship."

'Try and get my good side.'

'My reading comprehension is so-so, but I do make up for it with my highlighting skills.'

"We're following Carrot Top."

'I ace 'wheeling' but I flunked 'dealing'' - Boy on leaving Business Administration.

Professor Wiles grows insufferable.

"Petting zoo" "Heavy petting zoo"

Pappa clown views offspring in maternity window.

"Philosophy Department. Why may I direct your call?"

Pretty girls listen patiently. They know you'll soon get tongue-tied and won't be able to talk anymore.

"It's great to see Biff; Socksie the cat is out of the bag..."

"I love a woman with a sense of humour."

Stepping on clown's shoe...

Three card brag - I'm great! I'm really handsome & I'm very rich.

Books / Coffee table books

'Make him laugh, make him cry.'

Cheap amusement with... THE HAPPY COUPLE!

'Wait while I slip on something more comfortable.'

"I'm popping out for a tinkle."

"They're a perfect match – she's high-maintenance, and he can fix anything."

'Keep it under you hat, but I want you to enrich some uranium.'

You make me feel more like a veterinarian than a psychiatrist, Al. Why is that, Dr. Kapuchnik? Because you're one sick puppy.

"But seriously do you think my eclectic knowledge of the history of the development of the claw hammer makes me more of a sex magnet?"

'Make sport of the Queen.'

Luring the babes is a cinch when you've got the right feet for the job.

Fishing Contest

"Will you manage my portfolio?"

'I'm looking for someone who can make me laugh.'

"Gracie, don't worry so much about your big test... You know, when I was your age, I didn't know the meaning of the word 'fear'. Until I looked it up."

Travelling jesters. No fools left aboard overnight.

"I'm not very good at sex, but what do you say to eight hours uproarious sleep?"

'He's sending 2,400 roses to win her back, and charging it to her credit card.'

"Is there anyone else in your life I should know about?"