Joking Jester Gifts

'You must be the new taster.'

'Now I'm getting those 'Psychic Pal' commercials when I dream!'

"You can't compare apples and oranges because oranges have longer legs."

Pappa clown views offspring in maternity window.

Dog fetching clown shoes.

"It's great to see Biff; Socksie the cat is out of the bag..."

"Merry Christmas"

A woman takes a pterodactyl on a run.

Women in a cross country race

Three card brag - I'm great! I'm really handsome & I'm very rich.

Mr Claus, tests indicate your blood is 95% milk and cookies.

"I'd have been here sooner if it hadn't been for early detection."

Father Christmas uses laptop on roof. Man says: 'I think someone is stealing our wi-fi.'

"I've had. . . um. . . just a small sherry. . ."

'That'll be all the mince pies and sherry!'

'Apparently our postcode qualifies us for Government sponsored loft insulation.'

Why are you insisting on spending Christmas in hospital, Gran? I prefer the Santa here, darling.

King Pin

"At this rate I'll be delivering all gift certificates, gift cards and I.O.U.s!"

"Maybe this year..."

Fishing Contest

Elf of the Month

'What do you expect? A red bulb burned out, and you're free till Christmas.'

'But sinister gales - with that armour?'

Cleaning the Horse

'Your dad only works one day a week but mine only works ONE day a year!'

During a respite in union negotiations, simmering tensions boil over as some disgruntled members of the toymakers elf union take matters in their own hands.

C is for Cracker

Shirts vs Skins: 'I don't know about this.'

At The Clown Bank.

Comedy course highlights fake nose

'I understand that you only use your vehicle once a year, Mr. Claus, but you drive over a million miles that night. That's why your premium is so high.'

Santa's grotto advertising 'Talk to Santa', is next to a diet clinic with a sign in the window, 'Santa, talk to us.'

'I bet he can run twice as fast as you can.' 'But he has twice as many legs!'