Ironic Jesters Gifts

'Be careful. The plate is hot!'

The new piece of the armor of God, "the facemask of fearlessness."

"I'd have been here sooner if it hadn't been for early detection."

'Everybody from Liverpool's a comedian.'

Cheap amusement with... THE HAPPY COUPLE!

You make me feel more like a veterinarian than a psychiatrist, Al. Why is that, Dr. Kapuchnik? Because you're one sick puppy.

Cave lady about cave boy with big rolling stone: 'Here comes Junior with his report card.'

'He said his first buzz word today!'

'Why can't I park it here? I'm just getting my moneys worth.'

Pumping up wig in blender.

"Unfortunately your Twitter has been hacked. Fortunately it has been hacked by someone much cooler and funnier than you."

Steinbeck - stuck on the title page (Grapes of Wrath).

'Is he taking the piss?'

Tercentary of Shakespeare's Birth

'Someday one of us will look back on this and laugh.'

'It certainly is a big one!'

'Management is upgrading all the hardware.'

"And now I'd like to share our strategic plan with you, code named 'Get your resume ready'."

Vendor is the knight: knight sells hotdogs.

"No, no, I'm just here for the relationship."

TV SALES, 'Will the violence chip block out Chris Matthews'

"My first concern is the well-being of my crew."

The end of the world is at hand: '10... 9... 8... 7...'

"I wonder what kind of welcome we'll get on this planet?"

'Did he leave an actual horoscope that I could read?'

'Now I'm getting those 'Psychic Pal' commercials when I dream!'

'Make sure he gets plenty of fruit.'

"Not the God I expected."

USBULA United States Bureau of Unnecessarily Long Acronyms

Madam Zelta foresees all.

'You know the saying 'He who dies with the most toys wins?' Well, THIS is what you win!'

'Raymond's an anarchist couch potato.'

Bad Reads

Bus Stop - 49 Bus Reputed Sightings.

'Try and get my good side.'