Ironic Jesters Pillows

'Be careful. The plate is hot!'

The new piece of the armor of God, "the facemask of fearlessness."

"I'd have been here sooner if it hadn't been for early detection."

'Everybody from Liverpool's a comedian.'

Cheap amusement with... THE HAPPY COUPLE!

Cave lady about cave boy with big rolling stone: 'Here comes Junior with his report card.'

'He said his first buzz word today!'

Pumping up wig in blender.

'Why can't I park it here? I'm just getting my moneys worth.'

"Unfortunately your Twitter has been hacked. Fortunately it has been hacked by someone much cooler and funnier than you."

Steinbeck - stuck on the title page (Grapes of Wrath).

'Someday one of us will look back on this and laugh.'

Tercentary of Shakespeare's Birth

'It certainly is a big one!'

'Management is upgrading all the hardware.'

"And now I'd like to share our strategic plan with you, code named 'Get your resume ready'."

"No, no, I'm just here for the relationship."

Vendor is the knight: knight sells hotdogs.

"My first concern is the well-being of my crew."

The end of the world is at hand: '10... 9... 8... 7...'

'Make sure he gets plenty of fruit.'

"I wonder what kind of welcome we'll get on this planet?"

'Did he leave an actual horoscope that I could read?'

'Now I'm getting those 'Psychic Pal' commercials when I dream!'

"Not the God I expected."

USBULA United States Bureau of Unnecessarily Long Acronyms

'You know the saying 'He who dies with the most toys wins?' Well, THIS is what you win!'

Madam Zelta foresees all.

'Raymond's an anarchist couch potato.'

Bad Reads

Bus Stop - 49 Bus Reputed Sightings.

'What is he fishing for?'

'Try and get my good side.'