Spiritual Jesters Gifts

'They made him take a vow of silence so he'd have to stop complaining about his oath of poverty.'

The new piece of the armor of God, "the facemask of fearlessness."

'The blond guy is a forward and the other guy is a wing.'

'I take it his performance review went well.'

"Sorry - I've got to take this..."

Monks play conkers with crucifix

'I just glanced back at Sodom and Gomorrah for a second...'

Pumping up wig in blender.

'Be careful. The plate is hot!'

"He's a super-calloused fragile mystic, hexed by halitosis."

'Can we have a table near a handsome man please?'

"Before I start today's sermon let's take 5 minutes to view the highlights reel from the last 3 Sundays..."

"No one has actually ever tried it before...so apparently you CAN take it with you!"

Third eye

Intimacy - Breeding Ground for Mutual Grooming.

'Personal?...No, I assure you, my relationship with God is strictly professional.'

"To the most beautiful girl in the world... Happy Valentine's Day!"

"I know it's a really big church, but Goliath was the bad one."

"But Wendy could serve the Lord. She'll keep the cats out."

'Management is upgrading all the hardware.'

A blessing in disguise.

Almost Your Time.

'Well, if you need me to put it into 'layman's terms' maybe you should be talking to someone with a lower IQ.'

'...But in case God misses something...'

'Did he leave an actual horoscope that I could read?'

"Not the God I expected."

'Yes, they do contain e-numbers - But they're e-numbers that make you feel amorous!'

"We ran out of bread, so its croutons for communion."

'Make sure he gets plenty of fruit.'

'I'm not complaining, but the last time you took me out to dinner, Colonel Sanders was a brunette!'

"Nice shirt. Is it made of boyfriend material?"

"Attendance is way up since they substituted fortune cookies for those funny little wafers."

"I wonder what kind of welcome we'll get on this planet?"

Madam Zelta foresees all.