Biblical Jesters Gifts

The new piece of the armor of God, "the facemask of fearlessness."

'Make sure he gets plenty of fruit.'

Who should I call first? 911 or Technical Support?

"You think it's tough down there?"

Cave lady about cave boy with big rolling stone: 'Here comes Junior with his report card.'

'I take it his performance review went well.'

"No, it's not a to-do lost."

Why he always make pictures of him food?

Pumping up wig in blender.

'Be careful. The plate is hot!'

Steinbeck - stuck on the title page (Grapes of Wrath).

"No one has actually ever tried it before...so apparently you CAN take it with you!"

Notice on back of bishop's gown - How's My Droving.

"I know it's a really big church, but Goliath was the bad one."

'It certainly is a big one!'

'Management is upgrading all the hardware.'

Vendor is the knight: knight sells hotdogs.

'...But in case God misses something...'

The end of the world is at hand: '10... 9... 8... 7...'

"I wonder what kind of welcome we'll get on this planet?"

"Not the God I expected."

'Did he leave an actual horoscope that I could read?'

'You know the saying 'He who dies with the most toys wins?' Well, THIS is what you win!'

Madam Zelta foresees all.

'No wonder they're not good tree climbers: Their shoes stop them from using their feet...'

'What is he fishing for?'

Bad Reads

'They made him take a vow of silence so he'd have to stop complaining about his oath of poverty.'

'I'm sorry, Jee-Jee, but Toomak has mad skills.'

"So Jesus, do you prefer Methodist or Lutheran?"

'Actually, my wife wouldn't LET me have any last words.'

I knew those onion rings would be the end of me.

Heaven - Hard Hat Area

Can we use the buddy system and just keep five commandments each?

'Careful, now -- those things can give you warts!'