Divine Jesters Gifts

"Not the God I expected."

Heaven - Hard Hat Area

The new piece of the armor of God, "the facemask of fearlessness."

Who should I call first? 911 or Technical Support?

Monks play conkers with crucifix

'I take it his performance review went well.'

"No, it's not a to-do lost."

"He's a super-calloused fragile mystic, hexed by halitosis."

'Be careful. The plate is hot!'

"Before I start today's sermon let's take 5 minutes to view the highlights reel from the last 3 Sundays..."

"No one has actually ever tried it before...so apparently you CAN take it with you!"

Nil By Ear

'We must be nearing land. It's a discount coupon from the island's mall.'

Notice on back of bishop's gown - How's My Droving.

An angel spinning the Vitruvian Man

"But Wendy could serve the Lord. She'll keep the cats out."

'Management is upgrading all the hardware.'

"You're not going to eat me are you? Have you never heard of mad worm disease?"

"We ran out of bread, so its croutons for communion."

'Make sure he gets plenty of fruit.'

Castaway can't remembers how to write S.O.S.

Angel Puppet.

"I wonder what kind of welcome we'll get on this planet?"

'Did he leave an actual horoscope that I could read?'

Madam Zelta foresees all.

'You know the saying 'He who dies with the most toys wins?' Well, THIS is what you win!'

'No wonder they're not good tree climbers: Their shoes stop them from using their feet...'

"I can't believe how soon they got me back on my feet after the operation..."

'They made him take a vow of silence so he'd have to stop complaining about his oath of poverty.'

'Actually, my wife wouldn't LET me have any last words.'

'Uh-oh, here comes my wife. Just act natural.'

"So Jesus, do you prefer Methodist or Lutheran?"

'I told you we should have read the fine print when the accountant said we'd be getting 10,000 bucks a month in our retirement.'

'This is the part of the job I hate.'