Cosmic Jesters Gifts

I told you to get a moonroof, but nooo

'Did he leave an actual horoscope that I could read?'

"I wonder what kind of welcome we'll get on this planet?"

"Please ask your pet to kindly put down the weapon."

"The following program was made possible by fluctuations in the random chaos of the Universe...."

"The stars were much more beautiful from Earth."

"Intelligent design...well, duh!"

The new piece of the armor of God, "the facemask of fearlessness."

God not-too-happy with the Humans sticking a 'Closing DOWN Sale!' sign on planet Earth

"Not now, Oliver."

"And where do you see yourself in the next 7-8 billion years?"

"I've never read such utter nonsense! There's a guy here reckons we're all living in some kind of computer simulation!"

BLACK HOLES, the space path of least resistance.

Cosmonaughty

Mike had learnt by heart the whole training manual, apart from the most important bit.

"I'm going to shoot some hoops with members of the Flat Earth Society."

'Boy, that felt good! I can see why the devil has so much fun. And no, I'm not letting you in! But tell him I said hello.'

"Actually, they all look alike to me."

'I finnaly located what was causing that hissing sound on the tractor.'

Man Tries Use Telescope In Observatory As Cannon.

"If small stars keep planets in line, what do big stars do?"

If this plutonium should start to roam,box it's ears and sent it home.

The First Man to Ride the Moon

'If the Sun doesn't explode in five billion years, do you realize how foolish we'll look?'

"The Real Reason For Global Warming."

"Two things are infinite: The universe and human stupididy' and I'm not sure about the universe." Albert Einstein. Our colleague and I were going to debate, with me arguing the universe is finite and he's arguing that it's infinite. But he pulled out saying the debate organizers are biased against his position. He didn't believe they were simply advising folks to arrive early when they said "space is limited."

Mama Z'Belle...astrologer...your fortune based on the science of astronomy: 'Oh, oh it looks like your chart has shifted red...'

We interrupt today's "The Price is Right" episode to bring you breaking news … Weeks ago, the Hubble telescope spotted a rogue planet the size of Venus plummeting through the solar system on a collision course with earth. It turns out it was actually just a prank involving two very bored ISS astronauts and a grapefruit. Breaking News!!!!! Maybe we should send them to Mars after all. One of them seems to have scrawled "Around and around and around and around" all over his space suit, in crayon.

'Houston, you're not going to believe this...'

'Be careful. The plate is hot!'

"No one has actually ever tried it before...so apparently you CAN take it with you!"

"Ohhh! Now I get it!"

'Maybe the Universe isn't expanding -- maybe it's just you.'

"Wow, I've never met an astronomer before."

New Planets