Metaphysical Jesters Gifts

'You know the saying 'He who dies with the most toys wins?' Well, THIS is what you win!'

The new piece of the armor of God, "the facemask of fearlessness."

Cave lady about cave boy with big rolling stone: 'Here comes Junior with his report card.'

"He's a super-calloused fragile mystic, hexed by halitosis."

'Be careful. The plate is hot!'

'He said his first buzz word today!'

"Before I start today's sermon let's take 5 minutes to view the highlights reel from the last 3 Sundays..."

Steinbeck - stuck on the title page (Grapes of Wrath).

"No one has actually ever tried it before...so apparently you CAN take it with you!"

"But Wendy could serve the Lord. She'll keep the cats out."

Tercentary of Shakespeare's Birth

'Management is upgrading all the hardware.'

'It certainly is a big one!'

Vendor is the knight: knight sells hotdogs.

How Human Nature Works: 'Ok...Now I'm worried.'

'Well, if you need me to put it into 'layman's terms' maybe you should be talking to someone with a lower IQ.'

The end of the world is at hand: '10... 9... 8... 7...'

'Make sure he gets plenty of fruit.'

"I wonder what kind of welcome we'll get on this planet?"

'Did he leave an actual horoscope that I could read?'

"Not the God I expected."

USBULA United States Bureau of Unnecessarily Long Acronyms

Madam Zelta foresees all.

Bad Reads

'Raymond's an anarchist couch potato.'

'Actually, my wife wouldn't LET me have any last words.'

Another session of the lunch-hour scientists...

'I'm sorry, Jee-Jee, but Toomak has mad skills.'

'Uh-oh, here comes my wife. Just act natural.'

'They made him take a vow of silence so he'd have to stop complaining about his oath of poverty.'

'I told you we should have read the fine print when the accountant said we'd be getting 10,000 bucks a month in our retirement.'

Heaven - Hard Hat Area