Metaphysical Jesters T-Shirts

'You know the saying 'He who dies with the most toys wins?' Well, THIS is what you win!'

The new piece of the armor of God, "the facemask of fearlessness."

Cave lady about cave boy with big rolling stone: 'Here comes Junior with his report card.'

'He said his first buzz word today!'

"He's a super-calloused fragile mystic, hexed by halitosis."

Why he always make pictures of him food?

'Be careful. The plate is hot!'

"Before I start today's sermon let's take 5 minutes to view the highlights reel from the last 3 Sundays..."

Steinbeck - stuck on the title page (Grapes of Wrath).

"No one has actually ever tried it before...so apparently you CAN take it with you!"

Tercentary of Shakespeare's Birth

"But Wendy could serve the Lord. She'll keep the cats out."

'Management is upgrading all the hardware.'

'It certainly is a big one!'

Vendor is the knight: knight sells hotdogs.

'Oh, about your theory - Heisenberg thinks he's found a loophole.'

How Clowns Find Their Inner Peace.

TV SALES, 'Will the violence chip block out Chris Matthews'

How Human Nature Works: 'Ok...Now I'm worried.'

'Well, if you need me to put it into 'layman's terms' maybe you should be talking to someone with a lower IQ.'

The end of the world is at hand: '10... 9... 8... 7...'

"Not the God I expected."

'Make sure he gets plenty of fruit.'

"I wonder what kind of welcome we'll get on this planet?"

'Did he leave an actual horoscope that I could read?'

USBULA United States Bureau of Unnecessarily Long Acronyms

Madam Zelta foresees all.

'They made him take a vow of silence so he'd have to stop complaining about his oath of poverty.'

'Raymond's an anarchist couch potato.'

Another session of the lunch-hour scientists...

'Uh-oh, here comes my wife. Just act natural.'

Bad Reads

'Actually, my wife wouldn't LET me have any last words.'

'I'm sorry, Jee-Jee, but Toomak has mad skills.'

Heaven - Hard Hat Area