Divine Jesters T-Shirts

"Not the God I expected."

Heaven - Hard Hat Area

The new piece of the armor of God, "the facemask of fearlessness."

Who should I call first? 911 or Technical Support?

Monks play conkers with crucifix

'I take it his performance review went well.'

"He's a super-calloused fragile mystic, hexed by halitosis."

"No, it's not a to-do lost."

'Be careful. The plate is hot!'

"Before I start today's sermon let's take 5 minutes to view the highlights reel from the last 3 Sundays..."

"No one has actually ever tried it before...so apparently you CAN take it with you!"

Notice on back of bishop's gown - How's My Droving.

Nil By Ear

An angel spinning the Vitruvian Man

"But Wendy could serve the Lord. She'll keep the cats out."

'We must be nearing land. It's a discount coupon from the island's mall.'

'I'm sorry but you obviously don't believe in God because you didn't forward the religious emails to 10 or more people in your address book.'

'Management is upgrading all the hardware.'

How Clowns Find Their Inner Peace.

'Did he leave an actual horoscope that I could read?'

Castaway can't remembers how to write S.O.S.

'Make sure he gets plenty of fruit.'

"We ran out of bread, so its croutons for communion."

Angel Puppet.

"I wonder what kind of welcome we'll get on this planet?"

"You're not going to eat me are you? Have you never heard of mad worm disease?"

'You know the saying 'He who dies with the most toys wins?' Well, THIS is what you win!'

Madam Zelta foresees all.

'No wonder they're not good tree climbers: Their shoes stop them from using their feet...'

"I can't believe how soon they got me back on my feet after the operation..."

'Actually, my wife wouldn't LET me have any last words.'

'They made him take a vow of silence so he'd have to stop complaining about his oath of poverty.'

"So Jesus, do you prefer Methodist or Lutheran?"

'Uh-oh, here comes my wife. Just act natural.'

I knew those onion rings would be the end of me.