Mindful Jesters Gifts

'Well, if you need me to put it into 'layman's terms' maybe you should be talking to someone with a lower IQ.'

I am one with stupid.

"I'm not doodling. I'm illuminating my homework."

Pumping up wig in blender.

'Be careful. The plate is hot!'

Steinbeck - stuck on the title page (Grapes of Wrath).

Sign On Door of Dept. Of Neanderthal Literature - Out Eat Back.

"I know it's a really big church, but Goliath was the bad one."

'It certainly is a big one!'

'Scram! -- I don't endorse candidates!'

"If it's any consolation, Alex, it's the first 'G' I've ever given."

'Oh, about your theory - Heisenberg thinks he's found a loophole.'

Recycle your problems. Many of our neuroses, hang-ups and character defects can be re-used by others.

How Human Nature Works: 'Ok...Now I'm worried.'

'...But in case God misses something...'

The end of the world is at hand: '10... 9... 8... 7...'

'You know the saying 'He who dies with the most toys wins?' Well, THIS is what you win!'

Madam Zelta foresees all.

"Sorry I'm late - I got caught in another avalanche."

'They made him take a vow of silence so he'd have to stop complaining about his oath of poverty.'

'Uh-oh, here comes my wife. Just act natural.'

'That's okay. These are my key people.'

'What is he fishing for?'

Another session of the lunch-hour scientists...

Bad Reads

'Hey, I know what -- Let's have an enlightenment telethon!'

While you were out of body.

'Today's retribution level is LOW.'

"The cops were on to him"

'How about hitting my wife's new boyfriend?'

"I don't mind making mistakes as long as no one else knows any better!"

Man denies seeing two men when he is asked.

How to run a marathon.

'Gene, I've never met a female that wasn't a double crosser.'

Who's the wise guy!