Mindful Jester Gifts

"I don't mind making mistakes as long as no one else knows any better!"

I am one with stupid.

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

"Hire a cost cutting, bad-guy consultant to turn me into a good guy during the layoffs."

"Unless one is a humorist, Haskins. One should avoid attempts at humor."

'WELL, that certainly was a frank discussion! Shall we proceed to the inevitable apologies, retractions and clarifications?'

'Kimble, I'm going to give you a chance at purchasing - nip over to the cafe and get me a cheese and pickle sandwich.'

"Just how long has there been a maraschino cherry at the top of the organizational chart?"

Is there a spin doctor in the house?

"I'd have been here sooner if it hadn't been for early detection."

'I want a win-win situation where both wins are ours.'

'Fear of getting caught is understandable but fear of water, I think, requires counselling.'

'When you are done balancing in your chair we will continue the meeting.'

"But seriously do you think my eclectic knowledge of the history of the development of the claw hammer makes me more of a sex magnet?"

"When you hear me begin talking about our lousy sales figures, you guys create a distraction."

"Jane is sales, Fred is accounting, and Johnny's song and dance."

When Managers have a Four Seasons pizza.

"Humiliation is a very important part of the the process, Mr. Keifer."

'Any questions?'

"I don't like these sales figures. Prepare them in another color and font and resubmit them."

'All those in favour of my new proposal say aye. Those against, also say aye.'

"When I want your advice, I'll ask for it... but in an oblique, face-saving way."

'Thanks for making it guys. Come on in and pull up a chair.' A square hole in an office floor where chairs can be pulled up from

"We're bears you fool, we don't need agendas!"

"We have a clear work/life policy. . . If you have a life, you get more work."

'I said that I didn't want to be interrupted...'

"He may only be three years old, but he has 21 years of tech experience."

"He's a super-calloused fragile mystic, hexed by halitosis."

'Ambitious? You sit there admitting you're a troublemaker!'

"Before I start today's sermon let's take 5 minutes to view the highlights reel from the last 3 Sundays..."

'Company rules, 1.The boss is always right. 2. If the boss is wrong, refer to rule 1.'

We're prepared to offer you a starting salary in the low six figures...if you count the decimal.

'Ahhhh. Did I just feel the tension in here break, or was it the elastic on my underwear?'