Philosophy Jesters Gifts

How Human Nature Works: 'Ok...Now I'm worried.'

Who should I call first? 911 or Technical Support?

'Fear of getting caught is understandable but fear of water, I think, requires counselling.'

'I gotta admit - this 'jury by my peers' idea of yours is looking pretty good.'

"You're making a complete ass of yourself, Rodney!"

"When you take the oath don't worry. There's a lightning rod on the roof."

'We, the jury, find the defendant guilty... and his attorney obnoxious.'

'Look, Your Honor -- We're both over-fifty white males, right?'

"I'm not doodling. I'm illuminating my homework."

'We're ready to order... ORDER!'

"Let's see how brave you are without your gun."

'Socrates, you've been drinking again.'

"Psst! If you have any stock tips to pass on, I can probably lighten your sentence for insider trading."

Steinbeck - stuck on the title page (Grapes of Wrath).

Sign On Door of Dept. Of Neanderthal Literature - Out Eat Back.

"The jury will disregard the defendant's statement that he will donate 100% of his criminal earnings to the Concerned Mobsters for Eritrea Fund!"

Conflicted Chief

'The prisons are overcrowded, so why don't you just drop and give me fifty push-ups?'

Tercentary of Shakespeare's Birth

"Your honor, I'd like to request a new defense attorney!"

'The justice will be swift - the attorney fees, swifter.'

Where legal teams but their outfits.

'Your honor, we find the defendant not guilty, but we sure wouldn't let our daughters go out with him!'

"If it's any consolation, Alex, it's the first 'G' I've ever given."

"And now I'd like to share our strategic plan with you, code named 'Get your resume ready'."

'Our plea will be innocent by reason of insanity.'

"We're having a whip-round for Jane - you're next."

"The business of crime DOES pay. It pays our salaries!"

European Thinkers (2): 'Surf's up!'

Requiem for Progressives

'Oh, about your theory - Heisenberg thinks he's found a loophole.'

"Your Honor, the state has every reason to consider the defendant an extremely high flight risk."

'The truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth? That doesn't allow for much flexibility.'

'Mr. Justice, must you keep repeating 'nobody can fire me, nobody can dire me, nobody can dire me'?'

'Uh oh! I don't like the looks of that jury.'