Philosophy Jester Gifts

Heaven or Hell Wheel.

'My reading comprehension is so-so, but I do make up for it with my highlighting skills.'

"It's made entirely out of rejected resumes."

'I ace 'wheeling' but I flunked 'dealing'' - Boy on leaving Business Administration.

Dog walking Human.

Professor Wiles grows insufferable.

"Can you change this quiz grade from an A to a C? I like to keep expectations low until I blow my parents' mind by acing the final exam."

''C-minus'? ??" Do you know how long it took me to find and download this term paper?'

"Philosophy Department. Why may I direct your call?"

"Nous somme desir-eh, go, er, allez, erm, universitaire français, s'il vous plait."

"Political Science... that's in the Department of Performing Arts."

'When I was studying animal husbandry, I met the animal who became my husband.'

"Some school - They teach us about the Fifth Amendment, but they won't let us use it on TESTS!"

'Ms. Blumter, please get me a copy of Educational Leadership for Dummies.'

"It says here that in your last job you did a lot of traveling."

Books / Coffee table books

I'm doing poorly, but that's without performance enhancing drugs.

"At first, I was teaching Job a lesson, but now I'm just messing with him."

'Fear of getting caught is understandable but fear of water, I think, requires counselling.'

"But seriously do you think my eclectic knowledge of the history of the development of the claw hammer makes me more of a sex magnet?"

'In this next precedent, an attorney lost his frivolous lawsuit complaint and his opponent then filed a frivolous 'frivolous lawsuit' lawsuit.'

"Yes, next year you'll be moving from classroom to classrooms, and, no, it doesn't count as PE."

I am one with stupid.

Man Tries Use Telescope In Observatory As Cannon.

Munich Security Conference

"Actually, they all look alike to me."

'Dr. Young is a professor at one of the nation's leading party schools.'

"Gracie, don't worry so much about your big test... You know, when I was your age, I didn't know the meaning of the word 'fear'. Until I looked it up."

'Your resume is quite impressive. However, I'm a little concerned about you biting your last four bosses.'

'My client asserts that walking on land was his idea and he therefore claims 50% of all subsequent profits.'

'Point of clarification, sir. Are you still in charge, or have you ceded power to your sock puppet?'

"Solar flares may be a contributing factor or perhaps it's a negative vibe sensitivity...."

Thomas Carlyle

"Yuck! Som'one left their nose in this book!"

Physics 101. An object in motion remaining in motion is an example of what law? Easy come, easy go!