College Jester Gifts

"Why don't you try the Omega house? I don't think you're Alpha dog material."

'My reading comprehension is so-so, but I do make up for it with my highlighting skills.'

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

'I ace 'wheeling' but I flunked 'dealing'' - Boy on leaving Business Administration.

Born In Captivity.

Professor Wiles grows insufferable.

"Can you change this quiz grade from an A to a C? I like to keep expectations low until I blow my parents' mind by acing the final exam."

''C-minus'? ??" Do you know how long it took me to find and download this term paper?'

'How about a game of cards?'

'Pass it to Dewey! He's got himself into some kind of rhythm!!'

"Philosophy Department. Why may I direct your call?"

"Political Science... that's in the Department of Performing Arts."

"So what's this special distracting tactic you've developed?"

"Nous somme desir-eh, go, er, allez, erm, universitaire français, s'il vous plait."

'Wait!... I don't want to take Brady out right now. He's just getting into rhythm.'

'When I was studying animal husbandry, I met the animal who became my husband.'

"Some school - They teach us about the Fifth Amendment, but they won't let us use it on TESTS!"

'Ms. Blumter, please get me a copy of Educational Leadership for Dummies.'

Books / Coffee table books

"I say we move on to dessert."

Basketball.

I'm doing poorly, but that's without performance enhancing drugs.

'Court is in recess for one hour. Everyone convene on the playground and we will choose sides for dodgeball!'

'That will be 100 hours of community service in some other community.'

'Captain, we're going to have to ask you to stop spiking the ball.'

'Radford, go in for Bloom. ... Uh-uh-uh! Finish your vegetables first!'

'The score is tied and we've only got a 20-second timeout, so we've gotta be quick. ... I'm 'X'. Who wants to be 'O'?'

"When you promised me 'a set of wheels', I assumed a company car."

"But seriously do you think my eclectic knowledge of the history of the development of the claw hammer makes me more of a sex magnet?"

"Yes, next year you'll be moving from classroom to classrooms, and, no, it doesn't count as PE."

'What are the chances? I mean, all 10 players simultaneously dive for a loose ball and conk heads?'

'He's got a good attitude, and he's tall. But he's got to get into the weight room.'

'The 'most improved player of the year award' or the 'you don't suck as much as you did last year award' goes to...'

'You say here that hard work doesn't scare you as long as you hide your eyes.'

'I said, I've decided to make myself available for the NBA draft.'