College Joker Gifts

Graduation Day At A Party School

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

College. Did you pick a major yet? I'm doing a double major in art and logic --- I want to draw my own conclusions!

"Yes Dad, I passed math and now I'm passing chemistry and physics."

A=Pi r 2, 'All this stuff about 'pie are square' makes me HUNGRY!'

'...And here we have the 'Laugher Curve.''

'I'm majoring in communication and minoring in pizza delivery - What about you?'

'When I was studying animal husbandry, I met the animal who became my husband.'

'I reckon we have grounds for a libel action, don't you?.'

"No, I'm not the first in my family to attend college. But I am the first at an Ivy."

'I see you have extensive experience eating, sleeping, and mating. That puts you two steps ahead of all the college graduates who have applied.'

"Well, if the test is multiple choice I choose not to take it."

"I think our daughter should change her major. She can now ask for money in 3 different languages!"

History. The worst past is my dad says they're still making history!

'My parents couldn't afford to send me to college, so they let me spend a night at a Ramada.'

Southwick College: Basically, for the most part, usually - a meritocracy.

Laboratory: Protons /Electrons/Morons

'Today: The collective unconscious...'

'Wow, that sounds rigorous. What are the prerequisites for living in my mom's basement?'

'Oh, now that's a nice vase...'

Reflex Testing -"...and you're sure you can't feel it"

'I may not have the skills or education for this position, but I do understand the cartoons in the The New Yorker.'

Little known fact: I spent a semester at Reed College in Portland. "Little known facts" are supposed to be momentous. Well, the little known fact is, while I was there, I asked a lady out

'9K a year!? It's an outrage! At my level of attendance that's 3K per lecture!'

Big man on Krampus

'I'm sorry...we're not sure you're self obsessed enough.'

'But your book proved that gravity is a very weak force.'

"Where am I going to find the perfect thesis topic that hasn't been on TikTok already?"

Talk the talk...

'You see! I told you there was a school right beneath us!'

There's just no excuse for your behavior, Al. I thought it was your job to find one, doctor.

Professor Clown teaches advanced physics

'I got a darn D-plus, and that's WITH cheating!'

'What about short-term? Where do you see yourself in five minutes?'

'My son is in college and switched out of engineering into fraternity partying. He days he finds it less intense.'