University Jesters Gifts

"I gave permission for you to Skype my class, not skip it."

"We're following Carrot Top."

"I hate performance review season."

'I ace 'wheeling' but I flunked 'dealing'' - Boy on leaving Business Administration.

"Can you change this quiz grade from an A to a C? I like to keep expectations low until I blow my parents' mind by acing the final exam."

"I know other hospitals are worried about the superbug, but ours is the only one that understands the accounts system."

''C-minus'? ??" Do you know how long it took me to find and download this term paper?'

"Philosophy Department. Why may I direct your call?"

"Nous somme desir-eh, go, er, allez, erm, universitaire français, s'il vous plait."

"Political Science... that's in the Department of Performing Arts."

Who should I call first? 911 or Technical Support?

'Kimble, I'm going to give you a chance at purchasing - nip over to the cafe and get me a cheese and pickle sandwich.'

Stepping on clown's shoe...

"Some school - They teach us about the Fifth Amendment, but they won't let us use it on TESTS!"

'When I was studying animal husbandry, I met the animal who became my husband.'

"Just how long has there been a maraschino cherry at the top of the organizational chart?"

'I was just beginning to think about my portfolio. Now you're telling me to rethink it.'

I'm doing poorly, but that's without performance enhancing drugs.

Is there a spin doctor in the house?

'Make him laugh, make him cry.'

'I want a win-win situation where both wins are ours.'

'Everybody from Liverpool's a comedian.'

"And that, gentlemen, is the Friday 4.55 pm Bad News Email Dump."

'When you are done balancing in your chair we will continue the meeting.'

'Keep it under you hat, but I want you to enrich some uranium.'

'Any questions?'

"I'm popping out for a tinkle."

"Jane is sales, Fred is accounting, and Johnny's song and dance."

"Yes, next year you'll be moving from classroom to classrooms, and, no, it doesn't count as PE."

When Managers have a Four Seasons pizza.

"When you hear me begin talking about our lousy sales figures, you guys create a distraction."

"I don't like these sales figures. Prepare them in another color and font and resubmit them."

'All those in favour of my new proposal say aye. Those against, also say aye.'

'I'm looking for someone who can make me laugh.'

"Intern? Oh, no. He wandered in from our day care center."