Degree Jesters Gifts

I'm majoring in delusional studies.

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

"Can you change this quiz grade from an A to a C? I like to keep expectations low until I blow my parents' mind by acing the final exam."

''C-minus'? ??" Do you know how long it took me to find and download this term paper?'

"Hire a cost cutting, bad-guy consultant to turn me into a good guy during the layoffs."

"Nous somme desir-eh, go, er, allez, erm, universitaire français, s'il vous plait."

"Unless one is a humorist, Haskins. One should avoid attempts at humor."

"Political Science... that's in the Department of Performing Arts."

'WELL, that certainly was a frank discussion! Shall we proceed to the inevitable apologies, retractions and clarifications?'

Who should I call first? 911 or Technical Support?

'When I was studying animal husbandry, I met the animal who became my husband.'

"Some school - They teach us about the Fifth Amendment, but they won't let us use it on TESTS!"

'Ms. Blumter, please get me a copy of Educational Leadership for Dummies.'

'I'm on the short degree course... hell of a lot to pack into one year!'

'Cut down on sodium? I'm taking that with a pinch of salt.'

I'm doing poorly, but that's without performance enhancing drugs.

"We can give you enough medication to alleviate the pain, but not enough to make it fun."

"Humiliation is a very important part of the the process, Mr. Keifer."

"Yes, next year you'll be moving from classroom to classrooms, and, no, it doesn't count as PE."

'Thanks for making it guys. Come on in and pull up a chair.' A square hole in an office floor where chairs can be pulled up from

'Dr. Young is a professor at one of the nation's leading party schools.'

"When I want your advice, I'll ask for it... but in an oblique, face-saving way."

"Solar flares may be a contributing factor or perhaps it's a negative vibe sensitivity...."

Thomas Carlyle

'Ambitious? You sit there admitting you're a troublemaker!'

That's Roderick Sloan, the Alvin Meriwether professor of business administration, and with him is Alvin Meriwether, the Roderick Sloan professor of economics.

Dept. de Philosophie

"I'm not doodling. I'm illuminating my homework."

'I said that I didn't want to be interrupted...'

"He may only be three years old, but he has 21 years of tech experience."

"What does he know, and how long will he know it?"

We're prepared to offer you a starting salary in the low six figures...if you count the decimal.

School of Baristas

"You have to not only show your answer, you have to show how you got your answer."

'Open your mouth and say 'Ah' -- I'm going to try some anti-virus software.'