Medicine Jester Gifts

'Dont' operate any rocks or sticks while you're using this medication.'

"And as soon as he's on the mend,we'll get the physiotherapist in here with a ball of twine."

'Look -- I'm willing to forget about all this if you are.'

Dog walking Human.

"For the sake of not being redundant, your honor, I feel that one 'bad dog' is sufficient."

"He's actually my co-counsel, but you may scratch his head."

Supreme Court. It's either constitutional or unconstitutional - We don't use a scale of one to ten!

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

A baby in court

'Cut down on sodium? I'm taking that with a pinch of salt.'

The Scones-Monkey Trial. I, Judge Sadie, am prepared to rule. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Intelligent design versus evolution. Borrrinnng. That is my legal finding. Appeal. Will all bipeds please rise.

"We can give you enough medication to alleviate the pain, but not enough to make it fun."

"I give up. Where's the patient?'

'Your Honor, we've decided to go with the inanity defense...'

"Honestly, I have no idea what a 'habeas corpus' is."

'In this next precedent, an attorney lost his frivolous lawsuit complaint and his opponent then filed a frivolous 'frivolous lawsuit' lawsuit.'

"Are you trying to show contempt for this court."

'No, no. I told you to look for a precedent.'

"In mitigation, Sunny Chemicals would like to point out that prior to contracting his skin allergy, Mr Crumb was already ugly."

"OK, you're going to feel a little prick, followed by a burning desire to sue me."

"Your honor, we were having so much fun being sequestered, we forgot what the defendant is charged with."

"Can you hold on a sec? I just have to condemn this guy to death real quick."

'I might even change my views on genetics research if scientists could genetically engineer supreme court appointees!'

Man Tries Use Telescope In Observatory As Cannon.

"I don't plead."

Disorder in the Court!

"...And now show us what you said."

"These days, I'm mostly just legislating from the couch."

'My client asserts that walking on land was his idea and he therefore claims 50% of all subsequent profits.'

'You can have general anesthesia or just be numbed from the wallet down.'

'I'm afraid that driving the getaway car is more than just a driving offence, Mr. Jones.'

'Point of clarification, sir. Are you still in charge, or have you ceded power to your sock puppet?'

"My client pleads not guilty, by reason that everyone else is doing it."

"How was I supposed to know she was allergic?"